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Christopher W Cook (cooker187) wrote,
@ 2004-05-23 22:40:00
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    Current mood:disappointed
    Current music:Float On- Modest Mouse

    BREAKDOWN!!!
    thursday- the banquet went rather well. it was what i call the "duck hunt club." it was a retirement/birthday party of weird teachers with duck hats and they quacked some song. it was quite evil. i made about $50 on the one party.

    sponge was postponed 'til june, so that kinda pissed me off. i went over to lamascos and had two pitchers and hung out with aja, sparky and i called lisa, and she came out for awhile. i sang twice "only lonely" by hootie and the blowfish and "your love" by the outfield.

    well, hell broke loose later. apparently, they started the softball game early so i had no time to stretch and my legs killed later. all in all, i was in the mood to release built up frustration, and that i did.

    i grounded to the third basemen and dashed toward first. i ended up tripping over the bag, beating the throw and was called out. i was pissed. at some point as i crashed to the ground, punched at the fence and punched at a post in the dugout, i ended up with a nice gash above my eye. someone asked, what'd you do to your face. i touched my forehead above my eye, and my hand was covered in blood. i got my battle scar patched up and went back out to play catcher. i even made it to first base my next time up and a walk sent me to second, but the anger remained and i just didn't feel like being there. i bolted right after the game ended, cranked up the stereo in my car and screeched out of there. for a lot of people at work, it was probably the first time they've seen me pissed.

    i couldn't sleep that night. i just felt so lonely. i didn't want to deal with life anymore.

    friday- i went to work, still in a bad mood. it was obvious, and i even openly told people about my suicidal thoughts the night before. i had a mental break down. hell, it hasn't been the first time.

    i worked my shifts or shift and went straight home. i decided to play some video games and drink to relax. then i got a call on my cell phone from red lobster. it was the general manager. she informed me that a fellow crew member brought to the management's attention my previous condition and they were all concerned. she offered to help in any way, and i honestly told her that i was seeking and under treatment and that it was a break down of built up emotions. i decided to go to bed when i got a call from ruth. apparently, a bunch of people from work were at her apartment and michelle thought to give me call to see if i wanted to go out for a bit. we went out to ginnys place, we being: me, michelle, ruth, mindy, mike and tammy. they were all trying to cheer me up. i talked mostly with mike and michelle. mike's taking anti-depressants also, and michelle was just really concerned. i believe at one point she put her hand on my shoulder and said "i want my chris back." i've obviously been different at work. ginnys kinda sucked so we tried a few other bars, duck inn and skys, and they scuked too so we just ended up back at ginnys. it did feel nice to get out for a bit.

    i worked a split on friday. i remember now because i went to the doctor to get my gash checked out. fortunately, it wasn't deep enough to require stitches, but i went ahead and got a shot that i was due for. oh well.

    saturday- i worked a DBD in the deck. we were dead. i was home by 7. i stopped at IHOP for dinner and had a sirloin caesar salad. it was good. i had a new server named hope. she was pretty cute. i came home and talked to ashli on the phone for awhile. we thought about hanging out for awhile tonight, but we were both just too damn lazy to do anything. anzlee started crying so i got off the phone with her and watched VH1's top 50 awesomely bad songs ever. it was amusing. i went to bed after that.

    sunday- i worked a lunch shift in the bar. it was dead. it's been a dead week. i was supposed to go out to dinner with michelle tonight according to the plans made friday night. i guess she forgot, or just didn't really want to. one of the things i'm supposed to work on is making the initial call or set up plans with people. so far i'm 1-4 with the people actually showing up or calling me back. i don't know about that anymore. at one point tonight, i was watching the old school lord of the rings cartoon on cartoon network. it was cheesy.

    time to pay bills and go to bed. i've got an interesting week ahead.



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yo
banix12
2004-05-24 05:39 (link)
You know, if you can't sleep and need to talk to someone I get into work around 3 am. Feel free to call me. At least for the next two weeks while I still work here

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