erin (confusi0n) wrote, @ 2004-01-18 13:53:00

i was looking through my purse
and i heard angelina scream..
i looked up and we were swerving
and sliding on ice.. i held onto the
stuff around me.. we hit the gaurd
rail on my side.. my face cracked
off the windshield.. we spun in a
complete circle.. half way through
the spinning, my door opened
somehow.. we flew out and slid
backwards on the interstate for
about 50 or 60 feet away from
the car. so much happened so fast.


we both layed on the road for
a few seconds.. if there were cars
coming from either direction
we would have both been dead.
if that guard rail didn't stay up,
we would have both been dead.


when i got up i didn't even know
what had happened i just wanted
to find angelina, once i found her
we hugged eachother and started
to cry i put both of my hands over
my face to wipe away the tears.
when i pulled my hands away from
my face my hands and my arms
were drenched with blood. i started
looking at my body.. my clothes
were ripped and covered in blood
i was walking with a limp.. the hair
from my head was hanging from my
arms, it stuck there from all the blood.


i ran in front of a truck and put up
my arms. when they stopped, i told
them to call an ambulance. i still
couldn't feel any pain.. they asked us
if we came from that car up ahead.
i looked to where they were pointing
and the car was so far away and
seeing all the damage was when it
all started to sink in what had just
happened.. i sat down in the grass
shaking so hard.. the guy from the
truck told us the cops were on their
way right now so angelina went back
to the car and got rid of the pipes.
for your information we were
not under the infulence of any substance
during the accident.. i don't give a fuck
if you don't believe me because most
people dont. but we were both
completely sober during all of this.


it seemed like hours until the ambulance
came. i was so fucking cold and they
seperated angelina from me.. i just
wanted to talk to her and make sure
she was okay but i couldn't walk over
to where she was.


the ambulance finally came.. they put me
on a board and in a neck brace then cut
off all my clothes. i went into shock in the
ambulance. staring at the lights on the
ceiling feeling the needles and the blood
dripping from my body.. i still couldn't stop
shaking.. i still haven't stopped shaking.


i didn't feel any pain until the hospital.
but it didn't matter to me.. all i wanted
to know was where they brought
angelina and they wouldn't tell me if
she was okay and they wouldn't let me
see her.. my mom got caught in
a traffic jam that was caused from our
accident.. she didn't get there until 2 hours
after i got there. i was shaking so hard and
all i could do was look straight up at the
ceiling. everybody kept on asking me
questions but i couldn't move my
mouth to respond.


the bridge of my nose was smashed
downward so i'm going on wednesday
to get plates and wires put into my face
to rebuild my nose. i have 4 stitches in
my forehead, 2 on the backside of my
right hand, 3 on the palm of my left hand,
four on my left knee and my back is just
completely destroyed from sliding on the
street for so long going so fast.. so i look
like an actual monster and i feel like
complete and total shit.. which seems
to amuse some of you.


i don't get how some people could
fucking laugh. i just don't fucking
get it.. and the comments that some
people make.. what the fuck is with
the people in our school? people are
laughing at me.. oh and this one i
loved 'i liked angelina.' fuck you bitch.
i'm sure you know who you are if you're
reading this.


angelina, kristen, caitlyn, holli,
kayla, jeff, jen and chud:
you have no idea how happy you have
made me before kristen, caitlyn, holli,
jen and chud came to see me i wanted
to die.. they made me smile for the
first time. they made me laugh. they made
me forget what i looked like and what i felt
like. my flowers are beautiful and i love
spunky davis and especially chuddles<3.
all the candy and pink lemonade are gone
and i loved them too. kayla, i love you so
much for talking to me and telling me the
truth when everybody else lied.
i love you for talking to me and actually
knowing what was going on.. and knowing
what i felt like. jeff has been calling me
like every hour even when he's out
making sure that i'm alright and
trying to cheer me up.. i still won't let him
see me like this which is upsetting him.
but he's coming to see me on friday.
he's been so amazing. i cannot even
express how much love i have for
kristen.. she is the best friend that
anybody could ask for she's here for
me all the time and i love her so much.
she tells me that i'm beautiful even
when she knows i'm not and she's
just such a wonderful person.. i love her
so much. i am so happy to still have angelina.
you don't even know.. she is so fucking
amazing and if i lost her i don't know
what i would do.. i love her so much.

(Anonymous) 2004-01-18 21:28 (link)

erin i love you so much...you have no idea how happy it makes me that you're still here...or how much i've cried these past couple of days knowing what you've been through...you are such a strong person...i dont ever think i could go through what you have...you are so beautiful...no matter what happens...don't be upset that you don't look the same...i know you hate it...but everything will better soon...you are an incredibly beautiful and special person on the inside and the outside...i love you so much...i would go crazy without you here...i dont know what i would do if i lost you...and don't pay attention to the people who are laughing about it...they just don't know how to react to what happened...so they joke about it...but everyone is worried about you...and we all care about you...and we're glad you're alright...you're one of the greatest friends a person could have...you're always there when i need to talk...and you've helped me through all the shit that's happened...i know that you don't want to hear about my problems...and that i'm a burden to you for telling you about them...but you still listen...and i love you for that...i don't think i could make it without you...i love you erin...how could i not love you?...you're my sistah!...and don't ever forget it xoxo -Caitlyn (Reply to this) (Thread)

confusi0n 2004-01-20 09:18 (link)

caitlyn i love you so much.. i don't think you know how happy you made me when you called the wraps on my hands 'mittens' lol.. and we'll always be sistahs.. caitlyn, you know that you're not a burden on me at all.. i'd rather you talk to me about what's going on with you then you keeping it all inside.. and i'm very sorry about lucky.. i always hated him but he shall be missed · · erin · · (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

=) shakeitgranny 2004-01-19 07:29 (link)

Hey babii, I was in my clothes in 2 seconds after caitlin told me what happened. i was ready to hitch hike to the hospital you were at. but you were home. I called and called. but i guess you werent home. I dont know what I would have done if you were gone. You've been my friend the longest out of ne1 I know. 1st grade. wow. tag w/ the toddlers. digging up bones out of Peoples porches. All these things kept flashing through my mind when I heard that you were in a serious accident. Who would date my uncle? lol. I love you so much. I'd do anything for you. Im glad that you have other people that care too. Me and Kristen aren't cool. but im glad you have her. and caitlyn and everyone else. These times are gunna be rough. but you'll make it. So you'll be hanging on to seat belts for the rest of your life.. heh. i still do. but this just give you a whole new respect for life. Im so glad were still able to talk. I couldnt bear another funeral. And I'm glad Angelina is ok too. Fuck the people who laugh. (not mentioning names cough cough douchebags) No one will ever noe how tramatizing an accident could be. But ur pulling through. and soon you wont even look like you've been through anything. I love you so much! if u need nething. i meen nething. from ice cuz you dont wanna get up. or a hug from someone who loves you so much!. you know the number. wow that was longer than expected. but i meen everyword. I love you so much, Kayla (Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: =) confusi0n 2004-01-20 10:53 (link)

kayla, you are so fucking amazing. there is nobody else that i would have rather stole sour spray candy with then returned it cause we didn't like the flavor lol.. i've known you forever and i love you so much.. you've always been one of my best friends and you always will be.. you're the only person that knows what i'm going through and you're the only one who has been able to settle my nerves about surgery and everything that's going on because you've experienced it too.. i love you so much kayla.. and by the way.. is your uncle still single?? lol call me later and we'll do something · · erin · · (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(Reply from suspended user)

Re: i love you! (Anonymous) 2004-01-20 20:02 (link)

holli.its fuckin rediculus already.wat tha fuck didi do that was so wrong? how was i not a good friend.look at the shit that your "new best friend" has sed to you.have i ever told you to fucking kill yourself..or that you make up your problems??? please tell me how shes a better fucking friend than i ever was.after all that shit she has sed to you..now all of a sudden me and krista are the bad guys..i was always there for you.always holli.everytime you needed me..i was there.and it hurts that you fucking are doing this. i never laughed at erin.so go ahead and fucking say cough cough amanda and krista thats fuckin SO STUPID.i wouldnt laugh.i wouldnt say good for her.im not like htat.but obviously you dont kno me that well.just because i hate tha girl doesnt mean i would b that inconsiderate like you guys.maybe now she will stop being so bitchy to some people.and realize that the things that you guys say to people actually do hurt sometimes.but i doubt you will understand this.i know that atleast one of you are going to say something bitchy and tell me that im stupid and fat and im a sucky friend.go the fuck ahead.im giving up with you holli.if u dont kare...why should i?im done caring about you. PEACE (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: i love you! (Anonymous) 2004-01-21 12:41 (link)
	okay...first of all...dont start shit in erin's journal...it's so fucking gay...if holli doesn't want to be friends with you then leave her the fuck alone...she doesn't need to be bitched at about it...and i really wouldn't doubt it that you laughed at erin...after hearing krista's little comment...god...you guys need to grow the fuck up xoxo -Caitlyn (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: i love you! confusi0n 2004-01-22 10:27 (link)

amanda rhone, i swear to god when i get better i am going to beat the fuck out of you.. why the fuck do you think you have the right to read my journal, let alone comment saying shit to my friends? holli didn't say that you laughed at me.. she said "screw the people that dont like us ::cough cough amanda and krista cough cough::" she said that you don't like me.. not that you laughed.. i know the people that laughed at me and i know all the shit that people have said about me.. yeah.. krista has been saying shit and laughing but i haven't heard anything about you.. not that i would put it past you to make fun of somebody in a position like myself.. why don't you try and comprehend the things that holli is saying about you before you flip on her and make an ass out of yourself trying to sound like you have any clue as to what the fuck you are talking about.. you need to get the fuck out of my life amanda.. you need to just stay the fuck out.. you have never done anything, not one single thing, that has ever seemed like a good friend would do to anybody except for krista.. so why the fuck wouldn't holli drop you? you guys have nothing in common.. and don't say shit about caitlyn and holli being friends now and that's fucked up.. they have alot in common.. they used to be best friends then they fought, then they were civil with eachother.. then you and krista were the reason that they even started fighting again.. holli and caitlyn been through the same shit, they could talk about shit together that you could never talk about with her.. caitlyn understands her better then you ever did or ever would.. you two weren't meant to be friends.. it doesn't matter if you two had some good times together.. it's over.. get the fuck over it amanda.. if you fucking comment back to this or have krista stick up for you then i'll fucking kill you.. you have no fucking right to be saying anything to me, to my friends, or anything at all in my journal.. and you know that you are wrong.. you know that you have no fucking right to fucking start shit with me or my friends.. especially not at a time like this amanda.. just stay the fuck out of all of this.. and go ahead and say something bitchy back.. i fucking dare you. · · erin · · (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: i love you! (Anonymous) 2004-01-22 11:48 (link)
	you're such a fucking bitch...haha...I LOVE IT!!! xoxo -Caitlyn (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2004-01-20 20:29 (link)
	please . not to be a bitch. but dont bring that shit into erins journal. she has anough shit to worry about. its all ridiculous. Kayla (Reply to this) (Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2004-01-21 11:54 (link)
	i wasnt tryin to start a fight er anything.i jus wanted everyone to kno that im not the one making fun of her.some ppl just like to assume things... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

i dont kno if this is going to matter or not but uh justagirl57 2004-01-21 14:47 (link)

im sorry. i didnt have any idea at all. i didnt kno anything about anything. and it was really fucking retarded of me to have said whutever i said. all i was told was that u broke up nose.. i didnt think that.. i dont kno i just didnt think. i shouldnt have said anything. i honestly dont even remember whut i said. but im sorry. and i shouldnt have laughed. that was fucked up of me. and im not trying to add to the drama er ne thing.. but for one second just put urself in amandas shoes. ur best friend just dropped u. it sucks ya kno? i would imagine that thats why she said anything. well arite. i hope ur doin ok krista (Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: i dont kno if this is going to matter or not but uh confusi0n 2004-01-22 10:47 (link)

you're right.. it was fucking retarted of you. especially since i felt so bad for you when that shit happened with your dad.. cause i know what it's like to almost lose somebody that's close to you.. and i felt really bad for you when that happened.. and then you go and fucking laugh at me and say shit about me when i almost die.. that's really nice krista.. matt always told me you were a heartless bitch.. i didn't believe it until this happened though.. i guess he was right. · · erin · · (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: i dont kno if this is going to matter or not but uh justagirl57 2004-01-22 11:37 (link)
	well i tried to make things right an thats all i can do. im sorry erin. i really am. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	<33 insecuritie_ 2004-01-21 20:08 (link)
	Erin i love you. And i def. dont think its funny. Just readin ur journal gives me the chills. Im sorry babe. And hopefully ur okay and i miss you!! lol. Luhv yahh babe.. byee!! h0lla_StEphIe* (Reply to this) (Thread)

	sry (Anonymous) 2004-01-21 21:51 (link)
	hey erin i was one of the ppl laughin at u and said shit but i just talked to u and read ur journal and i feel so bad bout it i didnt realize how serious it was, hope we can still be stoner buddies mike (Reply to this) (Thread)

	143..like whoa !! (Anonymous) 2004-01-22 12:26 (link)
	erin babydoll, im proud to be in that list of people you are thanking. im there for you anytime for anything..im not going anywhere. i hope your surgery went well yesterday i'll be calling soon to see how your feeling... and everyones right you dont look like a monster, your gorgeous =)) i love you forever, dont be afriad to pick up that phone and call me 287-0887 --Jen (Reply to this) (Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2004-01-22 13:01 (link)
	FUCK YOU!!!! (Reply to this) (Thread)

absolutely in love with you (Anonymous) 2004-01-22 21:29 (link)

Erin, I am always here for you. You are my guardian angel and I will absolutley love you with all of my life. You are the MOST AMAZING PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Like holli said I don't know how I lived without you in my life.FUCK THE PEOPLE THAT DONT GIVE A SHIT. FUCK THE PEOPLE THAT LAUGHED. FUCK KRISTA HARDISKY. I never knew she fucking laughed. I definetly want to beat her ass now. It's going down. Kayla WILLIAMS. I just want you to know that you are an amazing person too..and I'm sorry I fucked things up between us.. we were close and it's cool.. ERIN I LOVE YOU <3always _Kristen_ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: absolutely in love with you shakeitgranny 2004-01-23 11:35 (link)

No if was def. my fault. i Shouldnt have said those mean things. I really didnt mean ne thing. It was just all out of spite because i was upset. Im sorry For everything. and I just want to let you noe. i never lied to you. Im sorry we cant be as close as we were. and im sorry that we probablly never can just because of the spiteful things that were said. I hope we could be cival or even friendly. I just want you to noe. I really care about you. even when we were fighting i cared about you. Your an amazing girl. Good luck w/ eric.. its a year now right? well if i didtn get to say it then.. Congradulations. oxox Kayla (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: absolutely in love with you (Anonymous) 2004-01-23 16:40 (link)

Kayla, Yeah, it's a year now. It was on November 20th, so it's almost a year and two months.. :) I am sorry to hear about you and Jimmy, I'm sure things will get better between to two of you. You guys love each other. Erin, I just actually got to read this entry. That was the most horrible thing ever. I balled my fucking eyes out. I can't understand the people in our school either, but that's just gossip. I love you so much and I completely understand why you love me so much :) lol I'm amazing. I love you. btw we are comming to see you now. <3 always _kristEn_ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	this is it (Anonymous) 2004-02-03 22:40 (link)
	i need you backso bad (Reply to this) (Thread)

i luv u gurl! inyaface1155 2004-02-05 17:03 (link)

heyy babez.. i kno i havent been there for you a lot lately.. but u kno i always will be here.. im just one call away... you're my gurl.. and the bestest friend a gurl can have. youre cool as shit and always the first to put ur problems aside to help a friend in need.. im sorry i havent been around or called.. its just been really hectic wit my mom and work and everything. but that doesnt mean i dont care. you kno i do and dont ever question it. reading your journal gave me chills and i kno i can never have any clue of what ur goin through.. but im here if u need to talk. i dont kno what i wud do if i lost you. who wud i sing to the blue house wit (unfortunately now its tan, lol) and who wud i walk around kingston wit at all hours of the night..who wud i corrupt? lol it just wudnt be the same. i luv ya gurl and miss ya lots.. im not gonna be seeing ya in school cuz im goin to alc.. but i wanna hang out wit you cuz i miss u and us and our crazii times.. gimme a call sumtime babez and i hope ur feeling better >2873509< <3always, Mary Pat i kno wat ur capable of, & u will pull through this all.. & ur beautiful, no matter wat they say (Reply to this) (Thread)