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coldascoal (coldascoal) wrote,
@ 2005-02-06 23:10:00
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    Current mood: pessimistic
    Current music:bob fucking dylan

    i'm not the one you want babe, i will only let you down.
    i guess this weekend was pretty good, even if i felt crappy towards the end.
    i got to have some fun. and tubing was probally the most fun i've had in a long, long time. i love laughing that hard. it barely comes out anymore. but i was really glad to spend time with laura and jason. cause they are adorable together. and kate and sam are always a great time. i felt good when i was with them.
    i saw fred. i'm not sure what to say about that. i feel things changing. i really can't say now what the hell i'm thinking with him. i feel confident in my decisions one second and then it completely flips. i feel good with him. very happy when we're together. but theres so much more. so complicated and tough trying to predict it will all turn out. i just have no clue what to do. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?
    there isn't an answer.
    i have to live for me. like do everything i ever wanted to do and actually get out and do things, not just hope for something to come along. really. it's quite a problem.
    i watched both united states of leland(galetka) and adaptation this weekend. they were both great. i love to watch good films.

    i found old disks with pictures on them from wrestling season and france. holy poop, wrestling was quite the year junior year. what obsessions and funny stuff. i love it! i absolutely loved everyday of wrestling it's something i think of alot. god.

    i wish i took some pictures this weekend. then i could post them. i wish i saw belle this weekend. i wish i loved coming back as much as i used to. i wish i talked to my parents for once in my life. i wish i saw some old friends.
    i wish... i wish i was a little bit taller. i wish i was a baller. i wish i had a girl if i did i would call her....

    it ain't me babe, it aint me you're looking for babe.

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2005-02-08 10:29 (link)
next time we're home we must go to rick's and visit. MUST.
and to answer your question, i think you just need to feel growth.
if things change, that's better than trying to force them to stay the same.
you'll both always have something special and that's undeniable.

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