| Current mood: |  drained |
| Current music: | The Ataris - the hero dies in this one |
i'm waiting for someone just to wake me up from this life.
hey all.
am so impressed. i can actually set my lj client for use on blurty. well, colour me tickled pink.
anywho. this week has been awful. too much drama. too much mixed emotions. too much bullshit. too much realization that he is gone and is never coming back. i miss tj to hell and back; i want him to come back and just smile at me, and make everything 110% better, cause he was always able to do that.
it is a gorgeous may day out here in suburbia. i hate suburbia. i can't wait to live rural, or totally urban. i can't wait to get the hell out of here, away from the dramas of my mediocre existence. honest. in the minimum of three years i am gone gone gone. i hate it here. the people, my life. well, i won't go that far. but it does suck.
then again, i don't think i will ever be happy anywhere.
this week has been low, but not as low as i was a month ago when teej left. that was the worst week of my life. honest. this week hasn'r even been one tenth of that, but it's been shitty. thinking about him has been horrible.
last night i had a dream i did cocaine. it was interesting to say the least. my dreams are always weird. it was almost as if i could feel the effects that it had on me in my dream in my physical state. i felt really smooth. odd.
well. breakdown of my week:
monday: i don' really know what i did monday. i honestly can't remember. i think i did nothing all day cause i was tired. or watched a movie. or something. what the hell did i do?
tuesday: whoa, the drama. tina's mother took a huge hissy and could have won an award for it. christ. it was my friend faith's 19th birthday, so we were all going out to hortonville [[aka: the sticks but i love it]] for the night to get drunk off our asses. turned out, none of us actually was able to get that drunk because we had all eaten at burger king a half-hour before we started drinking and felt sick as hell. i slept with evan, my best gay friend and it was nice. he's comfy.
wednesday: had cake for breakfast. drove the hour home, got ready to go to the play. went to the play, enjoyed it, came home and admitted something very important and life-altering to a boy i liked and thought he felt the same; was rejected. felt sad.
thursday: felt crappy all day. began to think about tj again, since he had been gone for a month and i still want him to come home. went to work and was informed by tina that her mother might come to my work and start some shit because i called her [[the mother]] a fucktard on simon's [[tina's boyfriend]] livejournal. whatever, she can kiss the crack below my back. what a crazy motherfucker she is.
friday: work again. a whole shift, which is rare for me on fridays. was filling in for my best friend and coworker, jenn, who was going to a cabin for a night. tears were hidden behind my eyes for the whole shift. it sucked. wanted to go home. finally got there, got pizza, killed my diet, watched the first matrix with mom and mark. went online and found the song i am listening to right now, was relieved.
and now today...work soon, party tonight, which means drinking, which means false good mood. nothing new to me, but right now i just can't fake a good mood. i need the help of some alcohol. sad, but true.
well, i'm off cause this was hella long. and yeah, i have a new layout. i'm wicked.
[[for teej:]]
(Post a new comment)
|
