| Current mood: |  lonely |
| Current music: | the choke - saves the day |
a lonely christmas eve..
walking acrossed town to the local sunoco, my eyes started to blur. i dont know whether or not it was the intensity of each christmas bulb or it was just the tears that engulfed my eyes. i ran out of the house to get a warm vanilla coffee. i needed something in order to calm my nerves. i had a rough day. i tried talking to justin earlier but that only ended ugly. its a shame. i care for him with all my heart. the "shame" part is, i dont know if he even has a clue. this so far has been the down right most lonely christmas eve i have ever had. sure, my moms side of the family was here. my grandparents brought in their gifts while my sister made a cheese platter. it was just like last year. and the year before that for that matter. my mother cooked while my step dad drank a glass of wine (not saying he ever drinks but since it was the holiday, i guess that it was alright) everyone sat down to the table when it was time to eat. of corse we said our prayers. my grandfather lead them just like last year, and the year before that one. i get tired of the same thing over and over again. i wish that something different happened tonight. i know that i sound selfish.. but i was hopeing this year i wouldnt feel this way. i longed for justin to call me. i still long for him to do so. my mother instructed me to place the missel toe above the archway to the kitchen. once again i was caught under it. caught with no one but a fading memory to kiss me. im having a charlie brown christmas -so to speak-. my mom works tomorrow on the actualy holiday. we celebrated tonight. no one will be here tomorrow so i think that i am going away for a bit. maybe my time away will make someone relize how much i would really be missed. that someone of corse is no one but the infamous justin. there isnt any vacancy in my brain. every atom is concentrated upon his being. if only he felt the same way as me. if only he longed for me the way i long for him every seconde of my life. i didnt want much for christmas. i havent been the best girl on santas list. therefore i didnt ask him for anything. i did however ask God to send justin back to me. i know that would be the best christmas present of all.
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