(cassixx) wrote, @ 2012-01-04 14:19:00

Current mood:	awake
Current music:	NCIS

day 3 of year me
that is my current motto. its how i will get through this year. this year is about me, no one else... Except wade.

6AM - wake up small workout
7AM - shower and get ready for the day
8AM - Wake wade up and get him ready.
8:30 - Leave house bring wade to school and drive into the office.
be at work by 10 AM
leave work at 6PM
home by 7PM
dinner with wade around 7PM.
then bath and bed at 830 PM.

that seems like a great schedule.. something happens everyday but that is what i want to shoot for as a schedule.


So thought about talking to Rob.... debating. I mean he's there for 6-9 months, I think in 6-9 months i can make myself someone he might want. Then when he comes back and wants me, i will unavailable.. for a little bit. I don't really want to be with Andrew anymore.. how do i break myself from him? I'm debating on going to the doc about my depression... i should call today but don't have the money for the apt. have to pay wades doc when he goes on the 12th.

also! speaking of money, I am almost caught up on my 'debt'. I won't owe so much to the bank, now if only i could get Daryll to pay the 350 he ows.. and my star blanket. i wants that back soo bad. I didn't know he would be taking things when he moved in, I mean i offered other things but he has yet to give back my one blanket i want back.. or my two pillows... how do i ask for those back?

Strange thoughts I know, strange that i spend so much time talking to myself via this blog but it happens. worth it to me really, i used to set everything to friends only but have been leaving it open lately. was afraid andrew would go on my computer and find that i have a blog and go into it.. although how bad of idea is it? if he realized how much i don't actually want to be with him. I should talk to somoene, a theropist or something talk about how to handle myself and how to deal with andrew then to leave him while working on myself.

Its not even like i want to leave andrew for someone else, cause really, i talk about other guys but i don't think i would ever actualy be with anyone i work with... just simple as that and Casey lives in FL so I'm not really worried about it.

I think venting to this blog helps alot though almost makes me feel like a private place to say what i really need to say to think. Not that everything i say is something that i mean but something said outloud almost to think about it... analyze it... alot of the things i think/say are really what i do with what is said/thought... just me debating, thinking and analyzeing...

working while doing this is a bad idea... i keep getting distracted.

i'll end here for now, i need to learn to love myself. then i can be happy again elsewhere.......

I will get there, just takes time and patience... and a blog. >.

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