Kaitlin (candyapplesxlx) wrote, @ 2004-05-08 01:38:00

Current mood:

crushed

I hate you. I swear I do.
Lately much has been depressing. I don't know what's going on. How am I supposed to feel? Jealous? Probably not. Then why am I? Rawr. I'm so dumb. It frustrates me so much. I just want to scream. I can't wait for the summer to be here. Just so I won't have to deal with all of school and crap and. Blah. I don't know what's happening. One minute I feel one way. The next I feel entirely different. Do I want you? Do I hate you? Do you hate me? Do you even notice my existence. Probably not. You once did. Now you're too fucking busy ruining your own life to care about anyone else's. Damn you. I hate you so much. ::draws name on paper.. Scribbles it out violently:: How long can I go on doing this. How long can I pretend like it doesn't matter. That all I have to do is scribble on a piece of paper and everything will be okay. Well you know what. It'll never be okay. It can never be okay. You don't want it to be. You're too self-absorbed. Too busy caring about yourself. You're too fucking busy putting an end to your own life. Well good. I hope you fucking kill yourself one of these days. Then you'll be sorry. But it will be too fucking late won't it. You won't be able to realize what you did. Or change it for that matter. You won't be able to regret a damned thing. Because it will all be gone. You will lose all you've ever had. Over a stupid mistake. I've been warning you. Trying to help. But you just don't listen. I did care. Once. But I'm not so sure if I do anymore. Do you realize that I don't give a fuck? Does it even matter to you? Maybe you should have just listened to me in the first place. But then again, who am I to say what is right and what is wrong? Who I am to say what should and shouldn't be done. Who am I? Seriously. I don't think that you know me. And you won't ever know me. Because you don't want to. You will never know the real me. I'm so sick and tired of trying to be fake for you. Trying to impress you. Trying to always be there. Trying to care. Trying to be someone that I'm not. I'm through with it. Find someone else to care. Do you even realize that I cared? Does it even matter to you that you were my sole purpose of living. That I breathed for you. That I lived through your happiness. It's over. I'm over. We're over. It's done. Take it somewhere else. Go fuck some stupid ass bitch. Get the fucking bitch pregnant. And then have to pay child support, you stupid bastard. Only you deserve something that terrible and harsh. I hate you so much that words can not even describe how I feel when I think about you. Just go off and die mother fucker. I never loved you anyways.

	lonelyteardropz 2004-05-08 11:21 (link)
	I'm always here for you if you want to talk. I just hope that you know that I am always willing to listen for hours if it took that long to help you out. xoxoxo lyl X-Steen (Reply to this) (Thread)

	candyapplesxlx 2004-05-08 15:16 (link)
	Thanks. But uhh yeah. I really don't think that you can help. No one can. It has nothing to do with helping. And I wouldn't want to talk about it.... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2004-05-09 20:39 (link)
	so much anger i love it it kinda freaks me out tho id hate 2 piss u off... u ever want sum1 dead just tell me whos throat is it derrick (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: candyapplesxlx 2004-05-09 21:11 (link)
	Thanks love. Yeah. Anger is always fun. Especially when you take it out on people. Slit his throat. I'm sure you'd like to. I'm sure I'd like to. But urmm. Let's not go that far. ::wink wink:: xo. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2004-05-10 15:25 (link)
	*sigh* ok ill be nice lol (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candyapplesxlx 2004-05-11 17:26 (link)
	::wink wink:: (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fallinxstarz 2004-05-11 17:58 (link)
	Oh shit. I see what Kaitlin needs here. Tons of Smirnoffs and ENG all night long baby... Oh yeah...and my sweet lovin' ;) <333 Ingrid (Reply to this) (Thread)

	candyapplesxlx 2004-05-11 18:06 (link)
	Oyyyy. I love you Ingrid. That would be an extremely pleasing night. I misss youuuuuu. <33333. We have to have an ENG reunion. Now!!! <3 xoxoxoxox I love yOU! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Asshole.. not you of course. ooomarshmellooo 2004-05-13 20:33 (link)

I know who you are talking about.. and presently.. this individual needs to get a fucking clue.. we can slice this individual together.. one day. stalk the damn thing out.. meet the individual in a dark ally. and SLICE SLICE SLICE.. ugh. i cant believe you wrote this entry on the 8th. and i didnt comment til today. gah. damn my business.. softballs over now. so i can spend some more time with my darling... err. nickyyyyyyy.. i miss you baby. im sorry i suck... lets have a reunion and slice it up.. <3 (Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: Asshole.. not you of course. candyapplesxlx 2004-05-15 13:42 (link)

I love you so much booster. And yes. We do have to slice that mother fucker up. Rawr. I'm going through another seven point five phase. And I hate it. I hate it so much. I wish I knew what I wanted. I wish I knew what he wanted. I wish I knew what was going to happen, what would become of this. But of course, no one can ever really know. But it would be oh so much easier if I could. Man. But we definately have to have a reunion. I miss my little booster. I need you like rice needs white. Mmm. I wish that made sense. ::giggle::. Slice Slice Slice. We're coming for you mother fucker. ::wink wink::. Huggles and Kissies. I love you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Asshole.. not you of course. ooomarshmellooo 2004-05-16 08:16 (link)

SLICE SLICE SLICE.. slash the tires slash the tires.. we have TWO motherfuckers to slice baby. heh heh ... what a nice gratifying feeling that would be.. heh heh.. seven point five??? .. really.. i didnt see that coming.. well .. hopefully he has grown up a little since then.. and if he has.. i hope everything works out there.. i think we need to uuhh chitty chat chat about that situation lol.. i miss you my nickyyyy.. i need you like peanut butter needs jelly.. yuuumm.. food food food.. lol.. well darling i really love you and stuff.. soooo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxoxoxoxo ::puke me:: .. BOOSTER!! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Asshole.. not you of course. candyapplesxlx 2004-05-17 01:24 (link)

I want to fucking slice their asses/ tires/ throats/ girlfriends/ children so badly. You don't even know. I could just slice those TWO motherfuckers so fast. They wouldn't even see what was coming to them. Yeah. It would be a lot of fun. We could do it mission impossible style. With like stockings on our heads. Because ya know, I always wanted to do that. Hah. OH GOD. I DIDN'T MEAN THE REAL SEVEN POINT FIVE. Oh god please kill me. I'd slice myself. I meant that what is happening to me right now is exactly like my seven point five episode. Only not with seven point five. With this other one. Yah know what I mean.? Oh god. If I ever had another seven point five phase I'd want you to slice me right away. ::giggle:: Sorry about the confusion deary. "wink". Mmmm frozen peanut butter and jelly. Yummmmmm. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox. I love you!! <33 mee, NICKY! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Asshole.. not you of course. ooomarshmellooo 2004-05-17 19:43 (link)
	hahhahaaa. woops... close call their buckooo.. thank god its not the real seven point five.. boys are stupid.. toss some boulders at them.. <33 booster (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Asshole.. not you of course. candyapplesxlx 2004-05-17 20:28 (link)
	Mmmm. Yeah boys are stupid. Toss some boulders??? How about some like. Sharp things. Like darts. And knives. And. Other pointy stuff. SLICE SLICE SLICE. <33 Nickyyyy (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Asshole.. not you of course. ooomarshmellooo 2004-05-18 19:13 (link)
	but thats a NIICEEE boulder.. lol.. sharp pointy things would be more fun.and maybe some tampons. damned harpooners.. . hhahaha.. slice slice SLICE!.. muahahhahahahaa.. <3 booster (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Asshole.. not you of course. candyapplesxlx 2004-05-18 21:19 (link)
	I'm so depressed danielle. I really would like to slice someone. Yeah I really would. Tampons wouldn't be cruel enough. They wouldn't hurt. Maybe bloody tampons would be better. But not as good as knives. And lances. And things of that nature. ::sigh::. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Asshole.. not you of course. ooomarshmellooo 2004-05-19 17:54 (link)

Don't be depressed.. boys are stupid.. blargh.. without a doubt they are.. and this one.. the way he is acting. he is so not worth your time.. sliced or unsliced.. he might as well not be living.. because he is acting like a fucking asshole.. or not even fucking acting at all.. oh fuck fuck fuck.. i do believe he is going down!!!!!!.. sigh.. i wish i could make everything better.. dont worry about it hun. you will find someone better soon enough.. someone who will treat you really really really good.. like the way you deserve to be treated.. i promise.. i love you xoxoxo.. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Asshole.. not you of course. candyapplesxlx 2004-05-28 20:53 (link)
	::sigh:: i hope so. I love you (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lonelyteardropz 2004-05-19 19:11 (link)

Okay I don't know who this f*cker is but if he's making you depressed I'm going to go slice him. Seriously ..I will find him...make him apologize, then slice him.... you should listen to Danielle...you always say how good of an advice giver she is ...I'm sure she's right .....don't worry about who ever this person is ....as Danielle said ...you will find a guy who will treat you incredibly and is sweet and compassionate... he'll love more than anything in the world....and he'll just making really happy.....which is what you deserve. xoxo, Much love X-Steen (Reply to this) (Thread)

	candyapplesxlx 2004-05-28 20:52 (link)
	danielle's my hero (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)