Jessica (cage_of_mind) wrote, @ 2003-04-04 08:32:00

Current mood:

awake

Love and Sex
I had to change the date because yesterday i found out my computer might have a virus on it... so i just stayed off it... i can't get on messanger which sucks, but i can get on my journal and my mail. Hopefully today it will be fixed. Well anyway, so what i did yesterday was just write down what i wanted to say, and now i will type it out. Oh and the title is the name of a movie that i saw yesterday, which is what made me think of this topic. I love that movie!!!!!!!


I often ask myself if i will ever find that "perfect" guy. Its weird how your perseption of perfect can change. Perfect doesn't mean that there are no flaws. Some people like flaws in their life. You just have to be careful and make sure that your perseption isnt over board, or to where no one could ever really be that. Anyway, i think perfect is when that someone just fits. you can't explain it. Your friends without even speaking a word. They have the ablity to leave an impression on your heart. Some one you can talk to no matter what, even if the timming is wrong and things dont work out... they are still there for you. No lies, or hidden secrets, only completion. Now when it comes to love... People say that when you are not around someone and it almost kills you inside because you can't see them, that means love. I don't think so. If you love some one then they are surpose to make life better to you. The give you new eyes to see the world. They make you happy. They leave an impression in your heart... but wait, impressions never leave, so why would that happy feelings leave when that person leaves? Doesnt really make sence. I understand missing the feel of them, their touch, their voice. but that doesnt mean that when they are gone, your left emtpy. That you have to wait all day for a phone call, and when you miss it you are soooo pissed off, and are soooo hurt that you couldn't talk. Or inside all you think is, i wish they were here. I will give an example: Lets say you have to go to the mall to get some clothes... Now you HATE the mall, there are so manny people, you find out that what you want doesnt fit. It is a HORIBLE experiance for you. Then you remember about your sweet heart. How he always makes you smile or laugh no matter what. The feeling of protection and saftey that he gives you. How happy me makes you feel no matter what you look like or say or anything, he is always there and loves you..... Now someone who thinks they are in love would be like... if only he was here, i could be happy. If he was here all of this would be fine. I wouldnt feel bad and i would be able to except things. I would have fun... i wish he was here i wish he was here i wish he was here..... by you thinking all of that, you get in your head that you wont be able to smile, or be happy, or get through this unles he is here. Which of course he isnt, so you are misserable the whole time you are there. you get in your head that he isnt here so you HAVE to be misserable....... on the other hand, if you are in LOVE then you would stop and think, wow this sucks, i hate the mall, i want to go home.... my hunny always seems to make me happy when i feel like this. always says something cute.... you start thinking about him and already you are happy. You look deep down and go, i have someone that loves me and damnit i am happy... and you smile, maybe even giggle. He isnt there, but you are able to get happy and smile. you are able to get through it without him being there. Hell you eventually forget about it all, and make your self happy. start saying funny things in your own head, or think of a joke, or start singing a song. You are able to be happy, because in your heart, he left that happy empression and you keep that with you, and everything seems better and you seem happy even when he isnt around.......... Now what would you rather have??????????? him leaving and you feel lonely, or him leaving you are still complete.

If you notice... a good couple who has been together for many years, never gets upset if they cant see eachother. if the one goes out all day, the other one stays at home and does whatever or they go out as well. They dont mope around and wait for the other to call, or not want to do anything because they feel so unhappy to not be around the other, that they just dont want to do anything. they want to wait and do it when they are both together. A lot of people would see that and say, oh well they are just use to eachother. (i cant think of the word i want to say) but yeah, they wouldnt really see it as love, they would see it like, well they have been together for so many years... I think that they are finally at the place where they LOVE. TRUE LOVE. Maybe it took that many years to get there. Some times love isnt at first sight. Depending on the person, love can take YEARS to happen. I see it as... the person leaves, and you still feel the same, but when you see the again, you get just a bit more happier. then they leave you and still feel a bit more happier. but when they return you are even a bit more happier, and it goes on and on into an endless growing of love and happiness.

I found love once... he made me happy all the time. even when i wasnt talking with him. it was over the internet, so we never realy got to see eachother, but still i was happy. I didnt race to get online, and if i couldnt then i was fine. It didnt kill me, i didnt get pissed off. I thought that i should, so i tried to make myself pissed, but after a while i saw that, doing that was stupid so i stopped. he ended up finding someone else, and i was hurt, but not at the fact that i wouldnt have him anymore, at the fact that it felt like i was replaced... but he talked it out with me and that thought faded away with time... i started to understand him. i never really cried. he left and i didnt cry. I tried to, but it just didnt come out. I even tried to make myself upset, but saying things like, he is an asswhole, or this sucks i will never fall in love again.... But it wasnt true. Now, during the relationship i did have times where i got jealous.... which i feel shows that i wasnt in LOVE with him... But in time, after the relationship, i did fall in love with hime... because even now, after it all happened, i still feel happy. It is getting smushed with all of these other feelings, but its down there. I don't hate him. Hell i even helped him out with one of his relationships. I would never get back with him, but he did leave an impression. One that i am happy to have.

I think life through that experiance at me so that i could grow. before him i never thought like this... i didnt see love that way i see it now. I grew and it changed my life. How can you regret something that makes you better in the long run? Now the next time that i think i am in love, i will look back, and see if it is love. Read what i wrote today and see if everything i said is the way it is.

This is the way that i see it.... doesnt mean everyone else sees it the same way.

PS. hey ali, if i will try to get on tonight. Its up to the computer lol. My mom is going to look at it and see what she can do to fix it. I can get on mail and on journals and what not, but i dont have messanger on this computer. Love ya girly
Jes

	hey gurl (Anonymous) 2003-04-05 21:27 (link)
	K jes.. thats fine... Love isnt everything.. you shouldnt need anyone to be happy.. that is very true.. and your words.. you dont need a perfect guy cuz they dont excist.. love will find you..when you can find yourself. (Reply to this) (Thread)