ryan and i kind of had a good talk i guess. everyones right i can't really make a choice and stick with it. i try to talk myself into something then i get there and talk myself right back out again over and over. and its like useless to try to figure out my "real" feelings b/c as soon as i get there i'll just go the other way. i do have some things to straighten out i guess. i am like completely unhealthily indecisive. and i guess that i did make the right choice then now, at least i don't have to put her through all my back and forth b/c i guess like ryan said it won't stop i'll just keep repeating the same shit til i finally sort it out. it just sucks thinking that because of myself i might miss out on something. i mean i don't want this to be the way i am. i just guess we have to see. i just don't even know which way to go. i need to i dunno figure something out. i guess for now i have to go in this direction.
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