i feel like i did in high school, like weird, and its weirder being back to this place. its like what didn't i learn. i kind of feel like no one cares, or i dunno, like no one can help. i can't even talk to anyone about anythign because i don't even know what to say. i can't even begin to comprehend my feelings and the reasons why they are. i mean the obvious reason would be jess but um i kind of did that to myself and its not like i want to undo it b/c i don't think that would help. can i really be this messed up over everything just because of that?? no it has to be something deeper, something has hit somewhere deep and i don't know what it is. i'm just so like uhhhhhh, sometimes theres just so many thoughts of so many things and questions and then theres blank space and i'm just like what? its like mindboggling. i feel like a crazy, i really do. what the hell??? what the fucking hell, and i feel so defensive i want to like yell at people sometimes and be angry and i'm not sure why. its like i want everyone away but then again not. i like want someone to comfort to comfort me but then id liek push it away or make something wrong with it like they don't understand the problem or what they are doing to help isn't good enough. argh, just don't mind me i'm having a moment.
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