what have i done and why?? is this really what i want????? i don't like the awkwardness thats back again. i just i don't know maybe i am a crazy person. i just don't want her to think i don't care, i want her to totally focus on herself right now and do good in school and be happy. geez i don't think i've like considered her well being as much as now. i mean she will be fine. what the hell is wrong with me. when we first broke up i was so pissed that she didn't seem to care and i cared alot, i mean what was that? i feel like the enemy sort of, i've made myself that way. i don't want her to look to me anymore and i don't know why. i don't want to fail her anymore. i really don't i just feel like i'm no good for her anymore but i kind of want to be, i just need to get myself back to that place, where i can enjoy her as a friend or more maybe without letting whatever weird feelings i have getting in the way. i just hope that we are able to sort through everything so that we can at least be good friends someday. i really just ugh it can't all go, whatever, whatever, whatever. i don't know what i'm fighting or who i'm fighting with. this is why your better off without me right now
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