it was easier when she wanted to go i think, i knew i had no control over it. its hard to make her go when she doesn't want to. but i guess i want to go, or i want her to go, i don't know. i just wanted it all to stop, all the confusion all the worrying all the crying all the fighting all the drama i just wanted it to stop and i guess it sort of has now and thats good. i don't have to worry anymore, but yet i'm still worrying about her. i don't even know. theres nothing i can do or say to make it any better or easier i have to just let her be. i need to let her figure it out and be ok, i need her to be ok, ok without me i guess. i just can't handle the pressure maybe i dunno. shes strong, stronger than she knows and i want her to figure that out. so she knows that she can get close to people and be ok if they leave, she can, the way she cares is the best thing about her. thats what i loved most the fact that she was so emotional, i just need her to be ok, i don't know why. in a way it scares me to, to think that she will be totally over me someday and happier with someone else, but maybe thats the way it has to be. i have to let that be ok, i don't know if i can be what she needs, i don't know.
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