why do i want this? what am i supposed to do now. how do i not care that i've just fucked things over real good? why did i feel the need to do that? i'd like to say that i was thinking of her, but that sounds stupid. i mean in a way this may be the best thing for her, for both of us. she won't have to deal with my bullshit anymore and i won't have to care as much either. i won't have to play the back and forth game and she won't have to wait and see what i come up with. so i guess thats good. i'm just really sorry. this wasn't really the way i wanted things to be. i just don't see another way right now. and i know that shes going to be getting over me now and i guess thats ok, i don't know what else to do. i mean it sucks thinking that she is going to be doing everything she can to not think of me and i think thats good i guess. i don't think that i am of any use to her anymore and i hate that. i wish i could be, i wish i could comfort her and tell her that everything will be ok. she will find someone who will give her exactly what she wants, and that person can't be me right now i don't think. and i'm so sorry i hate it. i went through it all too, and it sucks and maybe thats how i got here, maybe its too hard to come back from that place, and it sucks that i now have to let her go there, but i guess i have to. i think its the right thing. and i hate it. i just ugh i'm tired of fighting everything, i remember what it use to be like, but its not that wa for me anymore and i don't know why. i hope that maybe one day we can both get back to that place but i don't know. we just need to be ok alone right now i think. i'm so sorry
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