i don't even know. finally everything i think i wanted and i can't handle it, i can't i don't know why but i just can't handle it, i don't know what to do. i'm just not in an ok place with myself. i just didn't want to keep puting her through anything i need to figure things out on my own without having to worry about anyone. i really don't want done, but i guess thats the way it has to be for now, i feel horrible about this, i don't want her to forget about us or me. i don't want us to never talk i just i dunno i don't think i can handle it right now for whatever reason. somethings just got me really screwed up and i hate it. i hate that i can't just be normal. its all just too much, i just didn't want to have to worry about her feelings anymore. i just need time and space i guess. i just wish she was ok. i just want her to be ok. i want to be ok. i just hate this. i really do, i have to try and sleep but now i have this guilt to deal with. the fact that i have behaved like such a fucking ass. and i'm really sorry, i just don't know what else to do i really don't i hate this i hate this i hate this. i'm really sorry. i wish i didn't screw everything up. i wish i could just be ok, but i don't know if i can right now. i don't know how this will make me better. i just ugh i need to deal with some things i need to find my life again, i need to be ok again. this has turned into such a nightmare for me and i don't know why. this time its worse b/c its all my fault. i just didn't know what else to do. i really didn't i should feel ok now but i don't. what is wrong with me? what is the problem. am i afraid of being hurt again? can i just not open up and be normal i don't know what the problem is, not yet, but i hope i find out quickly and correct it. i just want her to be ok. i feel like i've screwed everything up, like i've screwed her up too, i hate that, i really don't want to. i hate this i really hate this.
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