ursula (buffalogal) wrote, @ 2003-09-23 01:50:00

Current mood:	calm
Current music:	tori amos - scarlet's walk

it's been such a long time since i've written here. been too busy with work and for a while my internet was down.

i've been feeling lousy recently. well lousier (is there such a word?) than usual. my life has been reduced to this schedule: writing for my soap opera for four days, then i get a one-day break which i usually spend going to the mall to have coffee or watch a movie with a friend and then the day after that i think up what i'm going to write for the next four days. that is my life week after week.

and what's even more lousy is that every time i get to go out (meaning go to the mall) i always buy something... not just something...but things. i'm always buying things - clothes, books, cds, accessories, ANYTHING i can buy. i know i am buying and spending to fill up my freaking empty life. i don't need a therapist to see that.

and so yesterday i was at the mall again and i bought again. and i felt like such a loser because my life has become so pointless. and as i was walking i saw a booth in the middle of the mall and i saw that it was some sort of charity thing. without thinking i walked towards it. it was a World Vision booth and i found out that they were looking for sponsors for children. they had profiles of these poor children in the booth. you can pick a child to sponsor - you donate a certain amount of money every month and that money will help the child go to school. i didn't need to think about it. i knew i was going to do it even before the man in the booth started his speech.

and so now i have a kid. her name is mary rose and she's in fourth grade. her father is a farmer in a rural area. and from now on i am going to set aside 450 pesos every month so she can go to school. i am allowed to write letters to her and i can even visit her where she lives if i want to.

finally i spent money at the mall and it mattered

my life is insignificant and i have to find ways to make it significant
that's a good goal

xander6464 2003-09-23 03:56 (link)

I don't know if lousier is a word or not either but I use it all the time. And I guess the grass ia always greener because I would love to have your life. And the ability to write for four straight days every week. I'm a little fuzzy on the math though, four days of writing, a one day break and then a day thinking about what to write for the next four...that makes six days, what happens on the other day? I don't think your life is empty at all but the only thing that matters is that you think it's empty. I hope this charity thing changes that feeling for you. (Reply to this) (Thread)

hey greggie long time buffalogal 2003-09-24 03:25 (link)

:) how've you been? thanks for always encouraging me yeah i know some people would love to be in my shoes but i really dont know why i feel empty. maybe it's because it's in the nature of human beings to always need and never be content. or maybe there is really a lack in my life. i think it's the second. i need to know what my definition of a full life is so i can begin to fashion my life after it. the knowing takes a little time though but i'm sure it will come to me one day (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: hey greggie long time xander6464 2003-09-25 03:28 (link)
	Things suck. I know what I need for a full life and its almost as bad as not knowing. Maybe even worse. But I would still love to have your job, it wouldn't solve everything but it would help in a lot of ways. At least you have the job part of it down and that's half the battle. Good work:) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

demigod 2003-09-25 04:34 (link)

Did you know that if you put a space between e and r in 'therapist', you get 'the rapist'? Very Freudian, don't you think? I mean, how'd they come up with that? Like when they got to the 'one who does therapy', the Head Word Inventor probably went "And now, 'he who does therapy' shall henceforth be known as 'therapier!'" Impressive thunderclap inserted here. "Er..." the Junior Word Inventor hazarded. "What?" the Head Word Inventor a little annoyed. "Well... it doesn't seem right. Doesn't make sense, you know? I mean, if you put a space between e and r, you get 'the rapier'. And didn't we just agree that 'rapier' is a sword-like, uhm, sword...?" "Well what do you suggest?" "Er... how about 'therapper?'" "That's even more stupid! 'The rapper', what's that? Sounds like a P. Diddy company." "What's a 'P. Diddy'? I don't know. I'm just inventing words here. What else?" "Hmmm... how about... 'therapist'...?" "What? 'The rapist?'" "Why not? These people sort of like violate your privacy, yah? I mean, there you are, minding your own business, resting on the couch, expecting to sleep and all. Then they ask you how does that make you feel? I feel fucking violated, is how I feel! Hey! I just invented a cuss word..." "I don't know...." "What else is there? 'Therapport?'" "That sounds like a better idea. See, these people try to establish rapport with their patients, right? Get them to trust them and--" "--then rape them!" "We are not calling them 'therapists'. That's that." "Oh, please!" pleaded the Junior Word Inventor. "Oh alright." "Yahoo!" "Enough of that. Now, send this new batch of words to the Culturer for immersion." "We really should think of a new name for the Culturer. It sounds like a cheesy superhero." Sigh. "I know. What's our next word?" "'He who does song.'" "Alright then. We shall call him 'songist!'" Thunderclap. --- I need a new hobby. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	demigod 2003-09-25 04:42 (link)
	Not only do I need a new hobby, I need new eyes. Check out how I inadvertently forgot to press ENTER between What's a 'P. Diddy'? and I don't know. I'm just inventing words here. What else?, making it seem like it was spoken by just one character hence mucking up the entire dialogue. I want fruit. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)