|Current mood:|| depressed|
|Current music:||wailing in my head|
the man who sold the world
just got back from a three-day lock-in-brainstorm in nasugbu batangas. during breaks we went to the beach. since it was off-season the whole beach scene was a little depressing. but being surrounded by the sea was enough for me. gave me temporary peace.
my life is very different now from last year. things can change so fast without you really grasping it. last year i had no career to speak of but now i'm knee-deep in its shit. if i had known back in college what i would be doing now, i would have killed myself. but things have changed and i have changed. i know what my job stands for - it's everything that violates the ideals i acquired in my film student days. but i recognize now how naive i was then. i didn't know the real deal that was why i could speak so bravely about never selling out; why i could so easily spit at anything mainstream.
now that i am mainstream, i find myself learning to respect this so-hated establishment. i still think the system is crap, that most people inside it are fakers and the product much lacking in brilliance. but i know now how much hard work people put into producing the programs that they produce. it's not a brain-dead process - it requires as much intelligence and creativity as doing an indie film. and i have to respect that.
i like my job. i like creating and writing these characters - i have invested my heart in them. i feel an ownership of some sort for this little soap opera that i write for. these are characters that i sacrifice my precious time for - i have to love them. or else i'd go crazy.
loving them has a price. most of my friends have managed to steer clear of mainstream's dirty hook. so whenever i am able to get together with them, i feel like an outsider. well i am an outsider. i don't belong in the indie-spirit-group anymore. i've let myself be fucked and degraded by the enemy.
sad because it makes my lonely job lonelier.
i guess it would just be nice the next time that someone (someone meaning a person that matters to me i.e. a friend) asks me "what do you do?" and i say "i write (name of soap opera)", that someone will go "Really? I think that's a good show."
our show is regarded highly by a lot of people - but they're strangers.
anyway it doesn't matter. my little job doesn't matter in the whole scheme of things. so fuck it.
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All the best everything was "mainstream" and all the worst. I still don't get the whole debate over mainstream and nonmainsrteam. It's great if you make a fantastic movie or write the best book ever or make best record anyone will ever hear but does it really count if only three people see, read or hear it? |
Just keep writing to satisfy yourself and be glad that it has a vast audience. And the next time someone looks down on you because you write for TV, remind them that in his day, what Shakespeare was doing was considered soap operas of the time, just cheap mass produced entertainment. Then ask them where they are gonna be in 300 years. At least you have a shot at immortality.
Keep up the good work and don't let anyone get you down about it.
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You make me smile too. Keep it up:)|
And another comforting thing is that no one knows who the actors were but everyone knows that Shakespeare was the writer. I don't know if you ever run into this, but if an actor ever gives you a hard time about anything you've written, remind them of that.
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