ursula (buffalogal) wrote, @ 2003-04-25 02:51:00

Current mood:	listless
Current music:	cranberries

i'm 24 and i've never been crazy...really crazy
all my life i've always played by the shore, never really ventured out into the ocean and played with the sharks and the dolphins. i've always been so afraid to let go. i'm always holding myself rigid, like there's an invisible chain wrapped around me. i feel it. it's always tiring me out. (i know people can feel that heavy chain when they're around me. i don't wonder why i'm not the popular type.)

my parents taught me to be scared. and i learned very well.
i'm scared not to be nice, scared to be happy, scared not to be responsible, scared to be angry, scared to speak my mind, scared to spread my legs, scared to love me, scared to scream, scared of attention...scared of a lot of things.

i smoked, i took pot, i drink, i renounced religion, i try things to run away from who i am but i never escape me

i dream of screaming at the top of my lungs, running naked, jumping off a building, being crazy in love, slitting my wrists, losing control, running away

time is ticking out

demigod 2003-04-24 23:59 (link)

I never took pot. I smoked for a month in college (but only to practice. I was in a play and my character was a fag with an addiction to fag. Hah!). I'm an atheist. I ran away, literally, once but I went back after a year. I've never been much of a madman but I dream. And I dreamt of fornicating on the streets. I dreamt of looking at a sunset and not just go "yeah okay". I dreamt of sleeping on a sidewalk for just a night; the night changing me forever; and never looking back at who or what I was before i went to sleep. But this is the writer side of me talking. The me on the surface just wants tons and tons of money. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	dandelionfluff 2003-04-25 01:26 (link)
	step out of the frying pan.... the fire will prove to be crazier than anything.... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

buffalogal 2003-04-27 03:01 (link)

i earn more than most of my friends but they're all happier than me. you're better off listening to your writer side (though i'm not saying mucho dinero is not good). you don't appreciate sunsets (so that probably means the sun rise too)? i'm surprised. and that's sad (in my humble opinion). i'm a person who gets excited by all the phases of the moon (except the new moon), the sight of leaves falling from trees and littering the streets, big orange sunsets, the rain falling...all the things "chicks" are supposed to be all gaga for. Big chick, big softie - despite the hard face (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)