(( Bryson was already sitting at his computer desk, he realized that was the only thing he had been doing lately - sitting at the computer. Homework was keeping him tied down, and there weren't any signs of it slowing down. It had felt like years ever since he saw daylight, as most of his classes were at night. He spun around in his chair once, heaving a sigh and staring at the computer screen which housed his latest assignment)) I should really get out more... (( He typed up his journal and began typing))
School. It's really starting to kick my ass lately, and I haven't been letting my guard down - so i've been losing. College isn't what it seems, no keg parties, no naked girls (or boys) in your bed everynight, no sitting around passing the bong, it's just work. Work work and more work. This is what I get for signing up for AP classes. It's almost as if I don't have any time of my own, I really need to just take a weekend and chill, rest my brain and not use it so much.
I've met a few.. interesting girls around here, most are nice .. others you can tell are just desperate for someone to hold. I haven't been able to really concentrate on my sex life that much, but there have been a few thoughts running briefly through my mind.. it's something i've never really talked about, no one knows. Something i've been good at keeping a secret, which is surprising. I was thinking the other day, reading my intro post, the part where I was talking about my past girlfriends, how I haven't been able to keep one and i'm finding it hard to commit, well .. maybe it wasn't the girl after all, perhaps it was me. Ever since I was fourteen I have been keeping the fact that.. well .. ((He heaved a sigh, nodding to himself thinking it was the right thing to do, it is his journal after all and no one could ridicule or stop him now. )) I'm gay. There, I said it. I've been keeping it in for over five years, and I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of breaking hearts only because my heart isn't in it. It feels really good to get that off my chest because i've had it bottled up for quite some time now. Think what you want, say what you want, I don't care. The next big step is just announcing it to my family, which I can't really think about right now. They'll never understand, never.
Ever since I realized I was gay it was hard, it was a cold, hard feeling of why was I feeling this way? why can't I just be normal?. You have to realize my background, my family is successful, my brother is getting married soon, my sister might attend and Ivy League school, and here I am.. at Dover University, a homosexual. They've always told me what's wrong and what's right, we basically lived in the church. My mom would always ridicule any gay couple she would see, and told me never to date my own gender, because it's morally wrong. So I did what I had to, I dated girls, convinced myself that I was heterosexual and moved on. But i'm tired of hiding it, tired of living a lie. I just need someone to help me through this, someone who'd understand.
(( He looked off, thinking about what reaction he might get from his parents, closing his eyes tight he sighed hard, shaking the thought out of his head. He pressed update and went back to his assignment, The Beatles' "Yesterday" playing softly from his computer as he continued typing. ))
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