back to stage 1
fuck! fuck! fuck! FUCK!!! FUCK!!!!!
i dont know what to do. i feel like i want to talkt o him and have him as a friend rather than nothing at all but it seems like it hurts me so much! i feel like i want to puke and crawl back into bed and die. jump off a bridge and not be breathing or moving after hitting the ground. Fuck i am so dizzy and light headed. i want to cry. he is talking to me right now. i hurts so much.
i just want to run away but yet i dont know how to cut the noose off. omg.
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 tomegatherion
2006-12-05 23:11
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Okay, maybe this will seem completely stupid to you but I'm going to comment anyway... back in the spring of 1991 I was going through this... she and I had broken up but we still ran into each-other because we had the same circle of friends in Halifax. I decided that this was better than nothing -- that seeing her occasionally as an acquantence was at least something, even if she mentioned her boyfriend. Then I read that within Judaism they don't believe in Hell like Christians do. They believe in Gehanna, which means 'seperation'... it's a place close enough to Heaven that you can see inside to know what you're missing, but you can never reach it (sort of like the Catholic belief in Purgatory, I guess -- although Catholicism seems to have abandoned that). That, to me, sounded worse than Hell and it sort of summed up what I felt like running into her occasionally, then going home alone.
Cut to today... she and I have a great frienship now. She's on my Friends List here at Blurty. We haven't seen each other in years because she's in Ottawa and I'm in Nova Scotia, but we used to spend a lot of time together. I've babysat her son. We moved beyond the past, but it took a lot of bitterness and many sleepless nights of me listening to Don Henley or Guns 'n' Roses (ugh...) and wanting to take a permanent vacation to get where I am now. I've had by heart broken since that spring in 1991 and the only hope or consolation I can offer is that the next time it happened I knew I could get through it because I already had in the past.(Reply to this) (Thread) |
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