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{{.BRiTNEY.}} (britneyxdirrty) wrote,
@ 2003-06-02 12:28:00
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    Current mood: nauseated
    Current music:Dead silence, except for my tears.

    weird
    :Slowly moves into the living room of her New York apartment after just taking a long shower. Fingers run up into her long hair, pulling it back into a ponytail. Her hands rub over her face lightly, shaking herself out of the semi-daze she had been in most of the day:

    i dont really know where to begin.. i just feel like such a fuck up today, and i dont know why.. this is not a good feeling. i think i really miss him today, not like i dont miss him everyday. but today is different.. i feel.. in love.
    and its strange, because yesterday i hated him. yesterday i wanted nothing to do with him. because he cant trust me, he said those words to me.. those terrible things.. "i can never trust you again"

    :she stops to shed a tear, picking up her glass and taking a large sip:

    God. why did i have to screw up so badly? i broke his heart. it still pains me to say that. Because i know the shit he went through, maybe still is going through.. and i would never want to bring that on him, ever. He was my first love.. my first everything. My soulmate. Jesus, i just love him so damn much.. i see him on tv and it makes me want him so badly, i miss his touch, and the way he used to sing to me. I miss the face he would have when he wrote a song about me, and the tears when he sang it. All he ever did was love me unconditionally, and i messed it up. All of it.

    sometimes i wonder if he feels the same way....



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