Are there any other adoptees here? Well, this morning I got into a bad arguement with my father over my last name.
I was born a McCarthy, but for most of my life I was called by a different last name, which I am not telling you. Let's say it was Smith, a good, standard Mormon last name.I was never officially adopted, but everyone called me by that name, and my name was officially changed. The only place where you could find my real last name was my school records for the first few years. I went on my mission when I was 19. Some time later I had to come home for medical reasons. Around that time I was already questioning my faith and I knew I didn't want to continue my mission, even though the original idea was not releasing me and letting me continue my mission in the States. My bishop expected me to wear missionary attire including my nametag. One Sunday I told my father that I was going to ask to be released and he said, "If you remove that nametag now, that is the last time you used the Smith family name!" I said okay, took my nametag off, wrote a letter to my bishop to have my name removed from Church records (then thirty days later I threatened with a law suit), and on the next day I started the process to officially change my name back to McCarthy.
Ever since then I have been using my first name Kevin, though growing up I was called by my middle name, Brigham. Whenever I am near my parents they call me Brigham. I put up with that, but I get very upset by being referred to as Brigham Smith. That is not my name. No matter how hard I tried during the 15 years I was in the Smith family to be accepted as their natural children, it never worked. My (bioligical) sister Becca has had very similar experiences to mine. And while I always had a great relationship with my younger siblings, my older siblings always referred to me as their cousin. Now that I don't try to think of them as my elder brothers we are building a different kind of relationship: more like friendship. One of my "violently homophobe" brothers now lives in Slovenia, and we have been getting along great.
I just have no idea how to handle my parents. I think their neutrality is a blessing. They adore all three of the kids and so far there have been no negative comments. But they feel personally offended by my choice to use my birth name and to live with the person I am in love with. They won't let me close, no matter what and I no longer feel able to let them near me. I am stuck with a longing to be accepted and loved and a warning in my mind that I should not attempt to let them close.
I think I'll just go and read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Again.
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