Kevin (brigham) wrote, @ 2003-12-19 22:18:00

Current mood:	contemplative
Current music:	Some Primary Songs

An update
I know I have not updated here for a very long time. It was some time in the fall that I last felt like I should write. My life has been a swirl of changes and new things in the last several months and, unlike morzsa, I can only write when my life is stationary. Derek's writing is in motion, he writes as he lives, as he feels, changes are reflected in his work, in his entries. His writing is like a river--rolling slow for a while, then speeding up, in constant movement. Mine is like a lake: confined to its place, standing in the same spot. He writes short poems and he can never finish his stories, as his stories go on, lives continue, there is no end. Because for him everything is connected and continous. The ways of god are one eternal round.

I cannot believe how many things have changed. First of all, my parents are coming and my parents are being nice to us. It is an incredible thing and as much as I do not like to doubt them, I wonder what their real motives are. After ruining last Christmas for all of us and making Derek's life miserable for months I do not understand this apparent change. I am a suspicous person when it comes to my mother. Yet I can't forget what my sister said, "They just realized what Christ would do."

Now that is an interesting thing to consider. My parents (here I am talking about my aunt and uncle who adopted and raised me since I was 4) are LDS. Mormons, if you prefer it that way. In our home I Am a Child of God, "I Believe in Christ" and "I Know that my Redeemer Lives" were sung daily. But I never really felt that the practice of forgiveness and acceptance were present in our home. Yes, the "Holier-than-thou" attitude President Hinckley always warns against was very much part of my upbringing. All our friends were Mormon. I was a good Mormon boy, going to seminary, hanging out with the "right" crowd, and not feeling that burning in my bossom during fast and testimony meetings, valuing the hiking more than the spiritual message at Boy Scout camps and realizing that I was different.

Charity never faileth. But when I sinned, there was no charity for me. Hate the sin, but love the sinner! Being shunned for something I was did not seem to be in accordance of the things my father so often reminded our ward of over the pulpit. We--they--read the scriptures daily. They still do it. Did it take nearly ten years for the message preached by a Rabbi almost 2000 years ago to beome more than words? I don't know. Only time will tell.

thespian15 2003-12-20 05:14 (link)

Kevin, it is so good to see you here again. BIG HUG I really truly hope that your parents have come to understand, "what Christ would do". My thoughts and prayers are with you for this. But if for some reason things don't work out that way, please don't let them spoil your holidays. Just keep thinking of Derek and your boys. They are what really matter. I send you my love, Jon (Reply to this) (Thread)