|Current mood:|| rejected|
|Current music:||the kooks - naive|
i grabbed a pair of scissors and put its sharp edge to my arm. i scraped it up my arm. once. twice. thrice... i stopped at the fifth go. i feel so unbelievably worthless. Thats all it takes, all my mother has to do is walk into my room and point out each and every fault i posess and how much i supposedly dont care abt anyone. It starts off so innocently & ends with me breaking down and begging her to stop. she Tears into me, i rebut, & now suddenly i am rude, i have changed, im not sensible & i dont care. she cries. but she doesnt stop attacking me. she keeps going. And going. And going. Until i break. she walks away & im here. Destroyed. i believe her. I hate myself. i am reminded why i feel like i dont belong and i medicate myself the only way i know how. cigarettes, a drive and self inflicted pain.
its happening again.
but i have her and she means the world to me.
im fucked up again & i dont know how to fix it