Ok, I'm gonna start this off by going back into my real journal and typing it out here. I'm not puttin' the really old stuff-form summer- on here 'cos it's retarded...So I'm gonna start on March 26, 2003...Steven Tyler's birthday....
March 26, 2003
Today is Steven's 55th birthday. I feel like shit. All I want today is to tell him how much I need him. I feel so stupid and small. No one would ever notice if I just here in reading class. My language arts tecaher-who I used to like- said I have no sense of reality and someone else (she wouldn't say who) said it too. Everyne thinks I'm a freak who isn't "in touch" w/ who she is. But I guess they're right, I dont know who am I. I look in the mirror and see someone else. Its not me. I dont know what Im supposed to be. I'm just...lost. I just want someone to understand me. So what I like to imagine that Im in L.A. with Axl Rose or England w/ Robert Plant or Mick Jagger or w/ Steven in Boston or South Beach or even that I AM Steven. I can be happy there-Im someone else and people love me in my little world. But my reality is dark. Why would I want to stay there? And I dont understand how someone cn save my life and torture me about it. (that someone is Steven-i never wrote that b/c I didnt want anyone to know what really happened.) everyone does. My family, my so called friends, teachers, and just random people. Its just not fair. Why wont anyone just fucking let me be who I am!? Im living in the wrong world. I wish I could go back to my home planet-where ever that might be.
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