| Current mood: |  contemplative |
| Current music: | cute without the e - taking back sunday |
bah
Well I stayed home from school today, bad huh? My third day of school. I didn't even want to stay home, which is a first. But my mouth hurt SOO bad. They got me on lots of pain meds. Yeh I got my wisdom teeth taken out saturday. It sucked. I'm finally starting to be able to eat other things besides oatmeal and soup so that's good.
Well school was okay. Most of my classes are on the first floor and so is my locker so I wont have to carry more than one text book at a time, I hope. My ceramics class is pretty cool, although the teacher is a clean freak. We're supposed to start making mugs thursday or friday. And they can't be like regular mugs. It should be fun. My algebra 2 teacher is kinda weird, in a cool way I think. She like plays music and movies. Like one day we had a beach theme so she played the beach boys and the other day we had a disney theme so she let us watch a few minutes of a disney movie. She's also in charge of the culture club.. I might join it, just to have a club on my thing for college. Ewww and we're gonna be disecting a lot of things in biology >< soo not looking forward to that. And I hate my english teacher, she's so annoying and stuff.
We got a puppy. I was against it at first because I liked this bigger dog, but the puppy is cute, and playful. Her name's Scarlet. Sheba took to her better than Sparkles did. Here's a picture of her. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/unseenangel/Picture269.jpg Yea... pretty tiny, and she's gonna stay tiny. She's a mix of chiwawa (sp?) and doxen (sp?) which are both small dogs.
Uh.. my sister had another.. outbreak. Turns out she had been off of her anti-depressants for a few weeks and then blew. She even started punching me, only in the arm. It was right infront of the park by my aunts house and there was a mess of kids there with their parents. It wasn't a pretty sight. Then when we got her in the car, my dad talked to her and she blamed the whole thing on me. Saying that I called her a bad mother to HER puppy. Well the her puppy thing pissed me off because earlier she was saying it was our puppy. So I run out of the house, of course no one even notices I'm gone. I ended up getting bug bites and I think even poision ivy. Atleast I was right when I said my parents are happy as long as she's happy. They didn't even care when I left. That made me feel.. just alone. Anything could have happened to me, and no one would have noticed, or cared, until it was too late. I miss my friends. I wish Shane was closer. I just.. hate feeling alone, like I'm forced to do this alone.
I told Shane he was better off without me. And a part of me thinks he is. Why should he have to put up with me and my mood swings and depression? Its not fair to him, or anyone that has to deal with me. I just wish I could shut everyone out of my life, so I wouldn't be able to hurt them. But that's not possible. Shane says I'm everything to him. I want to believe him, but I know I'm not. I may be on the list of important things to him, but I don't think I'm more important than EVERYTHING. And Ash isn't going anywhere, although she is already a state away and having a great life. Nothing will ever be the same. Gosh she's even thinking of going to college in Florida. Once High School is over.. everyone will go their seperate ways. Shane and I plan on going to college together, but we want to study totally different things. I will be optimistic because going to college with Shane would be.. a dream come true. I can sit here and actually picture my life with him 5-10 years from now. I've never been able to do that, without stretching reality a bit. I just.. ugh I feel like a maniac. After a few days of not talking to him I'm going insane. And I just want him here, or more like.. I need him here. And he keeps getting doubts about coming here, and if he doesn't come.. well where would our relationship go from there? It probably wont be the same. Okay not gonna talk about this anymore.. I'm done talking now...
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