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The one of which you never speak of (bondagegoddess) wrote,
@ 2005-05-10 19:28:00
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    Current mood: gloomy
    Current music:Mr. Self Destruct - NIN

    dwelling on the past... still?
    I look at my life now. A pretty good boyfriend. Getting good grades. School is almost over. The best of friends. Yet I still dwell on the past. I talk to him, trying to act like it doesn't bother me that we're just friends. And in a way it doesn't bother me. I want him to be happy. But seeing him happy with her, just kills me. He does things for her he never did for me. Like telling the world that they actually go out. And I sit here, tears streaming down my cheeks once again for him. Everytime I talk to him I end up in tears. I thought introducing my new boyfriend to him would make me get over him just a little bit more. But it hasn't. Not in the least. I miss him so much. I miss him saying he loves me. I miss him missing me. I hate the fact that being just friends doesn't seem to bother him but it kills me. I hate being so far from him. I hate thinking about the fact that if I was closer maybe things would have worked out. That I wouldn't be still sitting here, ripping open what were supposed to be healed wounds. Kev was supposed to heal them. But he hasn't. He's left me with double the pain. I can't take this. I need to get away from it all. I need.. I need to be held. I need to be told that everything is going to be alright, that I will find love. That I will find someone that's willing to spend forever with me. I need to stop crying about the past.

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2005-05-15 11:59 (link)
~holds close~ i love you my darling mim and everything will be fine youll find your love, you just give your heart away every chance you get and thats not how it works

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