| Current mood: |  lonely |
| Current music: | Seether ft. Amy Lee - Broken |
It's no wonder
I'll never have any new entries if I half write them and then turn off the computer.
I had this great entry about how I never write and how inaccurate a portrayal of my life this journal really is, and I didn't bother posting it. how retarded is that? sigh. I'll try and write something nearly as interesting, eloquent and informative, but I'm doubting I can given my mental state at the moment.
I can't stop thinking about this guy from work. (Another one, what the fuck is with me) I've liked him since I met him though. Which would've been 9 months ago at least. I was under the impression he had a girlfriend for most of that time. He tells me (with the exception of lately) that he hadn't had sex in two years, so I'm not sure. It turns out that he's older than I thought he was. (He was one and a half times my age when we met)
I like him anyway. And not just a little like. A he makes my day even though he says (jokingly) some really mean things sort of like. But I don't know how he feels about me, other than I ask for sex too often. Which I probably do, I'm hooked on sex.
Since I broke up with S I've been reverting to all those things I hated about myself. And still do of course. The excessive drinking, the anti-social thoughts/behaviors, the cutting. Mostly just self-destructive behavior. I'm not even sure if destructive is the right expression. I'm feeling like quite a nihilist at the moment though, so maybe it is. I wish I was the phoenix that will rise out of the ashes of my charred life, but I know I am not, I too will burn in the destructive pyre of my own creation.
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