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blue4me (blue4me) wrote,
@ 2003-07-07 11:29:00
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    I'm going home
    I dunno, I pretty much decided today that I am going to go home and stay home. I just feel like I don't know what I am doing with this job. I am just not cut out for something like this. I think I am just going to try to go home and make it work with Mike. Maybe that's just the right thing to do. For once, I guess I should do the right thing. I mean, I feel like I am just wasting theese people's money, and Jon keeps people working even if they are not doing their job. I just have to go and talk to my Aunt about it. I guess I am really scared that I am not going to be anything or do anything with my life. I feel very alone right now. Everywhere I look I see unhappy people. Is that all there is to life, unhappiness? I seem to get myself into messes all of the time. I am at this point not even sure what I want as far as anything goes. At this point I don't want so much to kill myself, but I can't seem to find anything i want out of life either. And not that it would be possible to kill myself either. I am scared of pain. I want to die peacefully. But that doesn't seem to be possible. I just want to be able to go to sleep and never wake up. I think I am just going to go home and live out of my car for a while. My insurance is cheap now, and that can be my rent. Joe says to me, well I wouldn't let you do that. But, really what is he going to do, I'll just stay in my car until me and Mike figure everything out. We can get a place, he allready has his business started, and we had talked about starting a graphic design business together. I have to call chris and get it set up, but i think that is what I am going to end up doing. Well, I'll write more later

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