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blue4me (blue4me) wrote,
@ 2003-07-09 15:38:00
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    Current mood: excited
    Current music:A New Found Glory- The great houdini

    Goin Home
    Ok, well I am going home tomorow. I decided it was just for a visit. Damien is coming back with me. Danielle again, even after I do whatever she wants, and she wouldn't have it any other way for every one of her birthday's, she again, can't give me the simple day that I want. It's not as though I ask for a lot, I ask for very little from her. I don't know why my happiness is that unimportant to her. I mean it's the same thing as when either one of us has a problem. It is always only her that matters. Like, when I realized she is never there for me and was screwing me over all of the time. She had some dumb problem with Randon, I was supposed to go caming with Joey, and Frank (who I at the time, really wanted), and I was supposed to yet again cancel my plans suddenly, because she had a problem, but yet, she is busy any time I have a problem. Like when I got thrown out of my house and she was too busy sleeping over Randon's and left me sleeping on my front lawn instead of staying home so I would have a place to stay, but I'm supposed to cancel my plans just because she's upset? It's like the same thing as when I was upset a few weeks after I got here, and i called her up crying, and she basically said it wasn't her problem that I was upset. But I'm supposed to care anytime something goes wrong in her life, I'm supposed to help her both emotionally, and financially, basically the way she sees it is her problems are mine, but mine aren't hers. I mean, yeah, for a change she was there, but I dunno, it just makes me feel really I dunno, hurt I guess. there's this song, that every time she asks me for something anymore, it's kinda how i feel. It says, "Are you aware of what you make me feel, Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real, Why'd you turn away? Here's what I have to say I was left ot cry there waitin outside there grinning with a lost stare, That's when I decided, Why should I care, Cuz you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone, You, you need to lisnten, I'm startin to trip, I'm loosin my grip, and I'm in this thing alone," it goes on from there, but's that's the main part that said how she was making me feel. I basically think that I should just turn her away when she calls me all upset, but I haven't , I should make her pay off her phone bill, shut off her phone, and everything else, but for some reason, I can't make myself do that, I love her too much. I have no idea why I keep doing things with the way she treats me. Anyway, I am going to get to see my Drew!! I am so excited!!! I think he is my soul mate. He doesn't think so though. He doesn't beleive in that ne more. But, all I can do is move on, and keep hoping for something with him, keep hoping that things will fall into place with him.

    Well, there's some other things on my mind today, but we will get to that later, I'll continue writing, in another entry tonight.

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