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Ignore the subject line. I'm just in a weird mood. Soo. Finals next week. For the two classes I haven't failed yet. Yippee. On Christmas, my family and I and Matt are going to my aunt Janice's house. I'm scared. Matt's already met my dad's side of the family, but they're normal. My mom's side of the family is like an entire season of Jerry Springer characters. It's bad. Matt's excited because there's bound to be booze and drugs there. I feel bad. I feel like I've corrupted him. When I first met him, he hadn't done any drugs in over two years. A few months after we started dating, my friends convinced us to smoke pot with them. Argh. Plus he says that he'd do any other drug, given the opportunity. I dunno. As long as he doesn't start buying again, I guess it's ok. None of his friends up in Sterling do any drugs. So it's just when he's with me. And it's not like I've been completely honest with him, as far as drug usage goes. I did quit smoking pot for a while, which made me proud of myself, but since we both started smoking again, I've done it more than he has. Plus, a couple weeks ago I smoked crack (for the first time) with my mom. I didn't like it, and I'll never do it again, and I never would have done it in the first place if I wasn't already stoned and drunk...but yeah. I still feel horrible about it. I feel like I inadvertantly peer pressure him into doing stuff like that. Whenever we're given the opportunity, he just looks at me and says "It's your decision." So I, the girl with faulty values, have to decide for the BOTH of us. And I almost always choose to do it. Maybe he really DOES want to do this stuff...he just feels the same way I do about peer pressuring me into stuff...yeah this is really confusing, sorry if it gives you a headache. I guess I just worry that in the long run, he could get addicted again, and he'll blame it on me. I don't want him to think that at all.
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