Nicole (bloodnbruises) wrote, @ 2003-10-08 15:47:00

Current mood:	confused
Current music:	Syd Barrett: "Baby Lemonade"

The smiling portrait of you, is still hanging on my frowning wall
So far this week has been lacking in the "interesting events" department. I didn't go to school on Monday or Tuesday because I just didn't feel like it. ... and when I went back today .. I dont know why .. but it felt weird. For about a week now, I've felt this way .. I dont know exactly how to describe it, but this morning .. everything pissed me off. I think its fear. I'll openly admit it .. I'm scared. I'm fucking scared of this whole situation right now. I feel like I'm jumping out of a plane without a parachute .. and I dont know where to go from here. Do I just stop where I am? or do I keep going .. trying to make more of an effort to bring me and Elisha together? I know I looked like complete crap today .. but he still sat there and stared at me, and that really makes me think .. it makes me wonder... I still cant believe he just showed up at my house on Friday .. maybe that means something? I wasnt even expecting him .. Bryan also told me today in math that Elisha told him about being over at my house Friday .. does that mean anything at all? Yeah, we've established the fact that he talks about me to Bryan .. and possibly others .. who the fuck knows .. So many things pop into my head too .. its all just way too insane, and takes way to much thought. I wish there was a simple solution for this.

In another situation ... Little TJ was supposed to come get me later today .. and I dont know if he's still going to or not .. because I told him my dad was coming to get me and my brother. This sucks because I really wanted to go with (Little) TJ over to (Big) TJ's house .. automatically you know I'm gonna get some really good weed. Big TJ always has good shit. ... I need money .. blegh. I hate this situation. So hopefully we'll go over to his house tomorrow .. I hope. ;/


The rooms were so much colder then.
My father was a soldier then.
And times were very hard.
When I was young.

When I was young.
I smoked my first cigarette at ten.
And for girls, I had a bad yen.
And I had quite a ball,
When I was young.

When I was young it was more important.
Pain more painful, the laughter much louder, yeah.
When I was young.

When I was young.
I met my first love at thirteen.
She was brown, and I was pretty green.
And I learned quite a lot.
When I was young.
When I was young.

When I was young it was more important.
Pain more painful, laughter much louder, yeah.
When I was young.

When I was young.
My faith was so much stronger then.
I believed in fellow men.
And I was so much older then.
When I was young.
When I was young.
When I was young.
When I was young.
When I was young.

-|[Nicole]|-

	hawaiianloner 2003-10-08 20:36 (link)
	i know how you feel with the whole... not feeling like getting up and going mood... ick it strikes so many ppl these days and it is a total shame :( but i know that things will get better for you and Elisha! i can feel it darLn! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bloodnbruises 2003-10-13 13:09 (link)
	Yeah .. it just sucks. I hope your right .. ;/ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teenagelunacy 2003-10-09 12:23 (link)
	:::hugs your head:: your letting yourself think to much. just try and chill for awhile and things will seem a lot clearer :o) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bloodnbruises 2003-10-13 13:10 (link)
	Yeah, Thanks. I noticed once I just stopped worrying about it all .. I could think a lot better. A lot of it is still confusing .. but I cant expect myself to be able to understand everything. ;) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

dont feel so bad l0nd0ncalling 2003-10-09 17:06 (link)

dude zeR0, i know im not of much help or nothin, im one of the dumbest people when it comes to this shit. but i know he likes you, dont EVER worry about how you look, it doesnt matter to him, he likes being with you for YOU not how you look. and i know what you mean about getting pissed off at everyone, and also forgive me for not calling you tuesday (i think) i had a guitar lesson and then my dad and i learned some shit on guitar. ive been busy as fuck. i have so much shit to tell you! and duder, dont ever stop putting effort towards getting you two together, i mean dont do all the work, take a chill here and there like dont work yourself too hard. in the end its all worth it. trust me. dont be like me, dont let the love of your life get away from you. hell my mom was in the car with me and she was telling me about her good friend matilda. and she told me that matilda was like you, she loved this guy named rick when she was 12, and she constantly thought about him and always dreamed about being with him and whatnot, and they ended up getting married, and lived happily ever after, blah blah blah. we all know elisha likes you, and deep down, you know it too! admitting it is hard as hell but trust me on this. but please im telling you, you still have a chance. from an experienced person with heartbreak, dont give it up. the almost lost hollywood (Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: dont feel so bad bloodnbruises 2003-10-13 13:15 (link)

Dude ... just yeah. Thats really weird about the Matilda thing. I thought you were making that up at first jsut to make me think things were still going to be ok .. and because the chicks name was Matilda .. hah. but I guess I'm just gonna have to believe, and take my chances. .. well .. im not making this long .. because I can just talk to you about all this some other time. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lonelygirl 2003-10-10 10:24 (link)
	honestly i think he does like you. but he is scared on how to tell you. maybe he is scared to rejection, who knows. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bloodnbruises 2003-10-13 13:16 (link)
	I hope your right .. He is pretty shy after all. Who knows? heh. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xwrong_wayx 2003-10-10 10:42 (link)
	it's the curse of the shy boy. they don't express emotions very well. they're VERY confusing. good luck though. from what i've read, he likes you a lot. ps this is coldturkey with my new name on here. yeeeah. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bloodnbruises 2003-10-13 13:18 (link)
	Hah, yeah .. Elisha is very shy, and its frustrating as hell. Thanks for wishing me luck ... I really fucking need it. heh. p.s. I added you back (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bathroomslut 2003-10-11 17:10 (link)
	I do that too, just dont go in. i know how you feel. i hope you get your weed (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bloodnbruises 2003-10-13 13:19 (link)
	Yeah, I hate feeling this way. And thank you .. I hope I get my weed to. heh heh. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)