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Work :::; -- It's just, i LOVE papa ginos. i love everything about it, but i just want to get out. Like, i dont know why but i need MORE then that. I'm 18 years old and if i'm not goin' to school, i should be looking ahead to starting my life right. and i am, i so am. I applied for a floral designer job in Newport, its a cute little place called "the waters edge" it's a beautiful place. i walked into that shop earlier this week and i was just...at home. is that weird? to feel at home and at piece in a place ive never been before? I dont know, its heard to explain but i just feel like that place is for me. IT's odd. I talked to the manager Terry yesterday, she told me to be expecting a phone call soon. I kno my resume sucked, but i do believe she got the point. .... i just need more out of life...... Cars:::; -- Well, my little toyota neeeds to see a doctor b/c its trying to like, hurt me. Not as bad as megyns car is trying to kill her but almost. My transmission line broke and i couldnt shift or do anything, it was just bad. But, now the wheel bearings are going. It makes funny noises when i turn the wheel. I was on my way up to CVS today b/c i needed pads [ b/c i got my period WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! :-D ] and i was just driving, spacing out ...and i decided that after this trip to new york, i'm going to be saving up for a car, like a new one. and i'm going to get it all on my own. No help from the parents, nobody, i will get my own car....b/c if i do get this job in Newport, i'm going to need something reliable to get me back and forth everyday. And i feel that in life, a good car leads you to happy things. It's stupid i know, but i believe it. Apartments :::; -- I know megyn's been hinting to it but i dont know if she really explained it. My parents want us to have the 3rd floor apartment. I mean, hell fucking yeah. That would be great, come and go as i please. Be as loud as i please, do what i want, when i want. I like that idea. It'd be great those, meg has her own room. I have my own room and ashley...is who i think the room-mate would be would finally be in the real world. haha, yeah....I've to, i mean, its 675$ a month, but fuck. 3 people? it's only 225$ a month, i know its alot but hell......it's fucking worth it. 225$ should be easy if i've got my own apartment, and hopefully with two jobs it'd be fucking wonderful...YEAH.. Weight:::; -- I know i just got my period and i know im supposed to gain weight like i've been. But , hell its like....5 lbs, so what. not a big thing...but the thing is. i'm 18, if i dont get rid of this fucking weight left, what am i gonna do when i'm 22, looking for a good guy and he wont even look at me b/c im fat. I mean, hell, i know i'm pretty. and if i lost weight...i do believe that i would be gorgeous.... I think i'll be joining "curves" b/c i know alot of people who have been doing it, and i think it will be good for me. I've gotta talk to my mom about it. B/c this whole fat this, is like, holding me down. Guys:::; -- haha....ive talked to keith a few times. I've told him i dont want to come between him and his girlfriend b/c....right now. even if he was single, i dont really have the time to like, be with him. Hell, he's a gorgeous guy and all but no..i just dont have the time...or the energy. And derek...haha, i've just been blowing him off b/c i dont feel like bothering with him...he's very secretive...i dont like it....then there's someone new. He's name is mike he would be SIXTEEN [ cringe :: ew ], yeah i know he's young. But he's sooo awesome. I love talking to him. He's makes like 500-600$ a week and he lives in westport. And, blah. he lives with his grandparents, he owns a barn, two boats and he's just so funny. hehe, but ugh....the downfalls :: SIXTEEN! and he doesnt drive. so in my opinion...FUCK THAT. i want a guy that i can go out with that doesnt have a curfew, a guy whos out and into the world, a guy who's like...mature yet immature....blah, i dont feel like going there. so yeah, i need to have a NICE long talk with mike about our "friendship" and he's such a cute kid, i dont wana like, break his heart but haha....im not the older woman. in that past month ive gone from beeing the "other" woman to being the "older" woman. ...life is good no? haha. but then again, i've decided that i'm just gonna go about doing my life....and just be happy with my friends. i dont need a guy to make me happy. really i dont, and if my love is out there, well honey, come and get me. if not, then wait a while, then we can stop this stupid game of hide- n - seek. Megyn:::;Friends::; -- Sure, she's my sister i love her. but somethings wrong with her. and i know its like..crappy for her right now. and i know its about college and shit but RAWR >:o. I hate the way she puts my friends down, and i hate the way shes puts like, my life down. I dont know, i love her ya know and i want her to be happy but i mean, i know we dont get to talk much anymore b/c our schedules are oppisite now but i mean, i want to tell her things i tell heather and linsey and denise and nate and all my friends. It's just like, i have fun when im with these people. i feel good when im with them. but the second i mention them, she gets all "shut up" - "i dont care". i mean, she doesnt care about them...does that mean she doesnt care then im getting upset by it. Shes my sister i want my friends to know her, not hate her b/c shes shady? ugh...im just so annoyed by it. I mean, hell, im starting to feel like i cant tell her things b/c she'll get all bitchy and just like, give me attitude about it and put them down, its like, putting me down. i dont know, maybe im just emotional b/c i FINALLY got my period. -- I'm sure you read in her update about Eric's dad. I mean, -sigh- it's rough. in the past few months, we've lost like, so many people close to us....or people who are close to people we love. it's just been rough....but sure, ashley's mom really hit home. but she's moving on, shes being strong. she's a survivor. i love her. then eric, he's being shady. i mean,...why hasnt he called. i know he's been trying to get his mind off things but does that really involving pushing me aside like i dont care. he knows i care about him, i love him. i'll always be there for him, but he needs to start realizing who his real friends are. Time's up ::; -- Well, times up, work summons me. I've got to do prep with ashton...but shes not coming in until 10 i think, so i've got alot of shit i need to get down. i think i'll pan up steak, cut onions, peppers and turkey....hopefully i'll get that down, and then i can get going on lettuce so all she'll have to do is lobster and tuna...i HOPE...i've gotta get myself some coffee b/c imma need the energy to get my going....... hi ho hi ho...its off to work Jill goes.
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