Create Journals
Update Journals

Find Users

Create New

Latest News
How to Use



Hitomi's Razor (bleedingrei) wrote,
@ 2003-08-05 09:43:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Add to Topic Directory  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry

    Current mood: confused
    Current music:Interpol--Hands Away

    I hate PMS
    Quite a bit has gone on, but no of the bad type for a change. I went to court yesterday for my MIP. It was a whopping $309 fine, but that was it. Mike said I got lucky; no probation. I've been doing college stuff like crazy. There is no possibel way I can take Chinese for a year and I am so sad.... Thinking about it hurts too much. That was going to be my future. Now, it is on hold, you know? I signed up for classes at GRCC though. Not nearly as exciting as GVSU. I'm taking FRench, drawing, cultural geography and algebra. Hopefully I will get a car to transfer me to downtown Grand Rapids, otherwise I am depending greatly on the bus. God, everything sucks. I have to get financial aid figured around. I needa job now that all of my grad money is GONE. That is depressing. In a way, Miguel is getting the future I wanted. He is so fortunate. I'm happy for him. It is just hard seeing the good in this for me...

    Phil and I aren't talking after a squabble of sorts. We have never done that before. It feels weird. Whatever... I hope he is happy too. He has JODEE to make him happy. All is pent up anger can be released in the form of semen in his youthful goddess. I wish I was a goddess.

    I feel so lost at this point. I can't even cut myself. This morning they were calling for it. It hurts more NOT to do it. I have no idea what to do with this new found...sadness. I used to use cutting/burning and now I have nothing. Sometimes crying can't do anything. Everything is so hard. I have complicated my own life though. It is all my fault and now I am the one complaining. Do you see what a whiny bitch I am?

    Miguel has realy made me happy and feel better about things recently. It is impractical, but I wish I could spend every moment with him. Yet, I'm trying to stand on my own. This sucks. I finally spoke to Vanessa. Well, we chatted online. Still, we haven't had a "conversation" in a long time. Ann-Drea and I "talk" daily. It is nice. I miss Vanessa.

    I've had nightmares lately.

    What would Dagny Taggart do?

    Finished "Atlas Shrugged". Now I can die. Not happy necessarily, but I can die. Onto... I don't know.

    I feel so inadequate.

(Post a new comment)
© 2002-2008. Blurty Journal. All rights reserved.