|Current music:||Orgy- - Dissesention|
I have my new laptop now, but it is not hooked up to the internet yet. I like it a lot. Yay, my uncle loves me. Vanessa doesn't... I had bad dreams about that last night. I also dreamt I was fat. I feel so terrible today. I took two of my mother's sleeping pills last night and slept for 11 hours. She was rather upset about it. Miguel and I had somewhat of an arguement yesterday. The quartet of rusted chains on the swins was forlorn and added to the melancholic tone of our conversation. It made me sad. Miguel hung out with his friends after Tai Chi. I know he isn't choosing them over me, but I know they do not like me. Whatever faces they put on to me and despite what he says, they do not like me. I can tell by the look in their eyes. Those settled eyes.
Today mother took me to Muskegon. I spent a few hours in Barnes and Noble. As I sipped a frappuchino on a cushioned chair, an asian man sat next to me. He was skimming through cook books and glancing up at me every few minutes. From the corner of my eye I could see him. Once he asked what I thought about a certain dish. It was fried rice in a carved out pineapple. I told him it looked good. He agreed. I was reading A Clock Work Orange and decided not to buy it because it is difficult to understand. Instead, I picked up Invisible Monsters and The Sex Life of Catherine M. The latter I am reading now since I have read Invisible Monsters a few times before.
I got a new second hand shirt and another Anne Rice book. Later in the evening I took my book and walked to the park which is nearby. I read for about an hour. A man smoothed out the baseball diamond. He did not look at me. The sky is gray. Perhaps it will rain again. My whole being is beginning to tremble. I feel like I need to wash my hands every two minutes. I should shower. Am I getting tired?
I decided to write about my SI experiences. I think the sleek IBM laptop has prompted the feeling.
I am debating whether or not I will go to Monroe this weekend. Why am I arguing this decision so much in my mind? It isn't that big of a deal. Maybe it is. I feel ill.
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Yes, Heidi and I are quite different; we have different friends, different dreams, and different personalities. At the same time, however, we share many interests and a very deep connection. Although we don't see eye-to-eye on some things, we are very close...|
I don't hate you, and I don't feel you're a bitch. As Heidi can tell you, I'm a bit of an introvert, especially when I first meet people. Also, when I met you Heidi and I were at odds, so I don't blame you if you felt some weird vibes. Hmm... maybe you, Heidi, and I should hang out sometime. I hardly ever get to see her friends.
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