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Hitomi's Razor (bleedingrei) wrote,
@ 2003-07-08 10:25:00
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    Current mood: touched
    Current music:Deadsy- Tom Sawyer

    Today I am getting my laptop, hoo-hoo! My Uncle Mark must really love me. He also brought me to Israel and Egypt a few years ago. He is a good man. Plus, it helps sometimes to have a priest in the family.

    Well, yesterday I was feeling awfully crummy about everything. I cried to my mother, but the years I pushed her away, now show. When I am sad, she no longer tries to comfort me, instead she will give me other things to think about. It is all right, but not always what I am looking for. Miguel got out of work early and came over. We sat on my back steps and I cried all over him. My heart was aching for Ann-Drea, Phil, Sean, Lance, Dan, Laurel, Janet, other Phil, Jeremy, Alex, Jess, Jen, Jackie and Amber. A long time ago that was not so long ago, I cared so much for these people. Monroe kind of built up who I am today. Now, I try to put it behind me. Sometimes it hurts so much because at one time their happiness was the only happiness I knew. I just don't know anymore. I'm not theirs. I don't need them. They have all gone their own separate ways by now. They are slowly being erased in my mind. All but Sean, Alex and Phil. My heart is still aching.

    Being with Miguel and getting it out felt a lot better. We bought soda and rented two movies. I am very fortunate for such a special guy.

    What is the matter with me today?

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