Hitomi's Razor (bleedingrei) wrote, @ 2003-07-07 13:18:00

Current mood:	sick
Current music:	Tori Amos-- Mother

Hurt
Another email from Ann-Drea last night. Having her come out of the past has really shaken me. I didn't really want to talk to her again, but there she was. We talked over some issues in her life and now that is satisfied in her. I don't know if we will ever communicate again. To be honest, I'd rather just forget that part of my life. It is too strange to think back on it. I hated myself then. Sometimes I still do.
Got a disturbing email from Vanessa and David telling me that she feels Miguyel and I are taking advantage of them. Staying over, eating their food, watching their movies and rarely paying for anything. That we are kids without the responsibilities that they have. She put an end to those times. That is all right. I just feel terrible now, for doing that to them. My friends, the people I love. Now, I must retreat. Now, I can back off. I mean, things just wont be the same anymore. Those times are over. That is fine... Time for more changes.
I emailed my Chinese professor to help me out with the college thing. I got info for Kendall and applied at GRCC. Now to see what happens...
God, I feel so stressed out. To sooth my mind, I watched "You've Got Mail" because I am a cornball. I guess I needed to see something light-hearted Last night I talked to Phil online. It was a comfort. Today my heart is aching with everything... I just want to sleep all day and hope things are better when I wake up. Everything inside me hurts. Uncertainty is driving me mad.
My dreams were strange... I don't really want to go into detail because it hurts too much. I feel like hurting myself, but that would be a bad idea. Nothing would get solved. My head hurts. I will finish my movie now.

FUCK THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deaaqua 2003-07-07 18:48 (link)

I'm sorry you feel so bad! I think what Vanessa said is bullshit!! I know I don't know the whole situation and I don't have the right to talk, but fuck that, I don't care. Maybe she should realize that you are a teenager and thats how teens act, maybe she shouldn't look at you as some old woman and you shouldn't look at yourself that way either!! Your 18 not fucking 30, your young and your supposed to act that way! People just need to relax and stop acting like grown adults!!!!!! Go chill on the couch get some superman ice cream and watch fucking cartoons allllllllll day and bite anyone that says your lazy and should grow up!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I DON'T WANNA GROW UP CUZ I'M A TOYS R US KID...BLAH BLAH BLAH (Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: FUCK THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Anonymous) 2003-07-07 21:09 (link)

*Chuckles at Amanda* I agree with her, on a very toned down basis... ;) You're responsible enough but we sure as hell don't know everything yet, and people can't expect us too. It's her own fault for not having the guts to tell you when it started bothering her; don't knock yourself for what she couldn't do. You do your best to be a good friend, I know. No one can ask for more. ~Brooke (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)