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Hitomi's Razor (bleedingrei) wrote,
@ 2003-06-28 10:30:00
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    Current mood: curious
    Current music:Stitches- Orgy

    "You're just another pretty face... in a room full of whores. Yeah, you don't mean much..."
    Jay Gordon's lovely voice helped to remind me of that today. Strangely, I find comfort. Many a-time I sit and wonder about what I made myself about to be. I MADE myself become this ugly whore, inside and out. Amanda, really.

    Anyway... Yesterday morning was pretty uneventful. I am now reading "The Roaches Have no King" after finished "Lolita". I really like that book, I mean A LOT. It does not mean I am a pedophile! It makes me look at little girls in a whole different way. I think I am more gay than I give myself credit, haha. Miguel came over when he got out of work. It rained quite a bit yesterday. It was absolutely gorgeous. We watched the poorly acted (but wonderful book), "The Joy-Luck Club" and sat around a while. I wrote him a letter the day before yesterday explaning a bit more of my behaviours to him.

    He stayed over last night; on the couch.... It is a good feeling knowing that he is only a few feet away from me (me in my room, him in the living room). He is a wonderful guy.

    My sisters seem to be in good spirits. Becky has her permit now and is happy. Mother is working as usual but seems happy too. Content at least.

    In my dreams I was laying next to Phil and talking to him. Becky called me to sleep in a room with her so I wouldn't get in trouble and I obeyed. Then we were chatting online. The back ground went from the normal white or blue of the chat box-thing to celestial. All of the stars and plants were crowded into it as he spoke to me and gave me sweet words of comfort and undying love. I was craving it in my dream. Then I was with Miguel in a book store. It was crowded and poorely lit. I couldn't find any of the books I wanted and it frustrated me. He could not find them either. We were then watching prostitutes fighting in a ring, all controlled by other people. I controlled one of them. Miguel stood near and told me how to do it. There was more to it, like me walking on the road that my grandmother lives on, at dawn. Weird dreams...



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