| Current mood: | bored |
| Current music: | Master P- I Got The Hookup |
HAHA, I remember this fuckin' song when it came out. It was the shit. Back in the days when Joel thought he was black, he'd fuckin' sing this song wherever he went. What a queer. Yea but anyway I'm on tha plane back to Europe. This sucks dude. I didn't even bother wakin' up Brody this mornin' to say g'bye. I juss gave her a kiss an' a small note on the pillow tellin' her tha' I had left an' that I miss her. I know tha' if I had waken her up to say bye, I never woulda been able to get on this plane. Luckily, Brody sleeps like she could sleep forever an' didn't wake up. Nathan did though an' I guess he sensed tha' I was leavin' once again 'cause his face got scrunchy an' he started makin' whimperin' sounds so I took him to the kitchen an' fed an' changed him. I called up a cab to take me to the airport an' sat on the couch in the livin' room wi' my kid, waitin'. It kills me tha' I'm constantly leavin' my wife an' kid behind to do my work. But it's somethin' I can't help. I love the music I'm doin', I love performin' on stage wi' these group of guys who are more family than my friends, but at the same time, I hate lettin' Brody an' Nathan watch from the sidelines. I know Brody misses performin', hell I don't know how the fuck she's stayin' from the bouncin' on the walls. I have it in mind to let her do her shows while I take Nathan an' take care of 'im for her. Tha's only if she'll let me.
The cab came an' I went back an' put Nathan down in his bed, gave him a kiss goodbye an' waited 'til he fell asleep to leave. Thankfully, the driver was patient enough to wait for half an hour while I put my kid to sleep. All the way to the airport an' even now, I got so many things on my mind. My brain doesn't want to fuckin' rest. I'm not really stressed out or anythin'. After the episode wi' Alyssa last night, I'm more than happy tha' I'm leavin' behind all that drama. I never got to apologize to her for what I said, but hopefully she'll juss know without me sayin' the words tha' I am sorry. I talk before I think. I've been told tha' on more than one occasion an' anybody tha' knows me knows that for a fact. Last night, juss knowin' tha' I'd be leavin' Brody come mornin' was what set me in a badass fuckin' mood an' I juss wasn't in the mood for any of the jokes tha' I usually let slip. I didn't even get to spend much time wi' Brody on this break. I knew four days juss wasn't enough.
Havin' a broken foot juss isn't easy. I won't be able to move much. On-stage, fans will prolly wonder why I'm juss standin' there. I mean, I ain't gonna be up there wi' my crutches. My foot will be covered wi' my shoe an' I'll only have my guitar in hand. They'll prolly think I ain't givin' it my all, but I apologize if I don't come out after to meet an' greet wi' any of them. I'll prolly be sittin' in the bus tryin' to kill the pain wi' painkillers tha' I bought before I left. It's hard enough gettin' around on juss one good foot, but I'll manage. I juss can' t wait for this thing to get better so I can jump around again. This'll teach me to watch where I'm walkin' before I break another bone in my body. At least I got to spend some time wi' Brody an' Nathan. We took him out to the beach one afternoon an' juss sat there on the sand, watchin' the waves an' lettin' Nathan roll around in the sand. It was one of those peaceful moments I know I'll never forget for as long as I live. When Nathan grows up an' gets older wi' each year, my mind will always go back to that afternoon on the beach.
I know I said this 'bout a million times, but I really wish Nathan was my real kid.
You know wha's a scary thing? When you feel like you're not close to your own twin brother anymore. I don't know what the hell's goin' on wi' him an' I know he has no clue wha's goin' on wi' me. He knows the basics, but not the things goin' on inside. Everyone says twins have connections an' all this shit, an' it's true. Even halfway around the world, I can feel how frustrated he is wi' everythin'. How the tour an' everythin' tha's been goin' on wi' Mandy is weighin' him down an' I wish I could help him. I can sense how helpless he feels knowin' that he couldn't help Mandy an' I can feel how angry he is that he can't seem to help Mandy now in her depressed-spell. In some ways, I've been tryin' to help, but I really don't know how to an' it irritates me tha' I can't. With all the shit goin' on, I wouldn't feel right bringin' my own personal worries to him. He's got enough to worry 'bout without me addin' onto it. But I hope he knows tha' I love him. An' I'm always here even though we haven't really talked brother-to-brother.
Wilmer came around the house the other day. He came lookin' for Mandy I'm assumin' an' he didn't know tha' Mandy had given her condo to me an' Brody until I finally told him. I got no idea why he had the balls to come around but instead of kickin' his ass, which I'd normally do, I juss stood my ground at the front door an' listened to him talk. 'Sides, I couldn't really kick his ass on a broken foot, you know. Have you ever come face to face wi' someone who's juss.. at their wit's end? Who's just depressed as all hell an' someone who's juss slowly dyin', somethin' eatin' away at their insides wi' no way of bein' cured? Yea, well tha's what I came face to face wi' when I opened the door. So even if I hadn't had a broken foot, I don't think I woulda had the guts to juss beat the shit out of him. The guy was lookin' as miserable as I've felt on my worst day. So I let him talk an' I let him talk some more, an' for someone who's hurt someone in my own family as many times as he did, I seriously did feel really fuckin' sorry for him. Joel ain't gonna agree but I am gonna let him talk to her. On the condition tha' either me or Joel are right there to make sure nothin's gonna happen. He agreed so tha's that. So Joel, tuck tha' knife away for a little while.
Hi Kristin, hi Jessi, hi Mandy, hi Joel, hi Billy, hi Chris, hi Paul. I'm back? Where's my welcome-home party? Oh an' I'm bringin' two certain people wi' me back to Europe.
(Post a new comment)
 | 
 valderrama
2003-06-28 10:39
(link) |
Wilmer came around the house the other day. He came lookin' for Mandy I'm assumin' an' he didn't know tha' Mandy had given her condo to me an' Brody until I finally told him. I got no idea why he had the balls to come around but instead of kickin' his ass, which I'd normally do, I juss stood my ground at the front door an' listened to him talk. 'Sides, I couldn't really kick his ass on a broken foot, you know. Have you ever come face to face wi' someone who's juss.. at their wit's end? Who's just depressed as all hell an' someone who's juss slowly dyin', somethin' eatin' away at their insides wi' no way of bein' cured? Yea, well tha's what I came face to face wi' when I opened the door. So even if I hadn't had a broken foot, I don't think I woulda had the guts to juss beat the shit out of him. The guy was lookin' as miserable as I've felt on my worst day. So I let him talk an' I let him talk some more, an' for someone who's hurt someone in my own family as many times as he did, I seriously did feel really fuckin' sorry for him. Joel ain't gonna agree but I am gonna let him talk to her. On the condition tha' either me or Joel are right there to make sure nothin's gonna happen. He agreed so tha's that. So Joel, tuck tha' knife away for a little while.
-- Thanks, man.(Reply to this) (Thread) |
(Post a new comment)
|
