these exiled years (beatles4evr64) wrote, @ 2005-02-09 18:58:00

Current mood:

contemplative

the greatest insight?
im seeing myself.. im understanding things about me.. things that have been evident.. things that could ahve spared many people from the pain i have caused them...
i dont need to be told about being perfect.. im the perfect image of total dissarray.. chaos.. whateva the opposite of perfect is.. i kno im close to that..
but i have realized that no matter how deeply you feel for me.. im to selfish.. i dont kno why.. im just to self to ever have a real relationship.. dont get me wrong.. i can be a very easy person to be with.. for a month.. mayb two.. then im really me.. im how i am with my family.. but i never realized it till now.. im too selfish to fullfill another party in a relationship...
im sorry to you all who i have hurt .. its just me.. im fuckin tired of me.. but theres not much i can do..
im not upset though.. thats the plus..im juss very dissapointed i dont kno why.. so things didnt click today o well.. its gonna be like this for a long while.. mayb only to get worse..
all i can say is im so sry to al i have hurt with my selfish ways.. not til i can change that can i ever trully be loved..cause until then i cant love my self..
i cant love sumtin that is defunctional and fucks with perfectly good things ona whim.. why? i want to stop..
ok i need to dress for rush....
~TH~

	emisridic 2005-02-10 11:01 (link)
	I agree with the last statement. What's in the past, is just that though, in the past. How come you never listened to me? Remember last year when we went to the hockey game and it was so much fun? Too bad these memories flood the mind, and leave us with what we have now. Too bad there's no hockey this year. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	beatles4evr64 2005-02-10 12:22 (link)
	yeah dumb hockey.. big thumbs down... whats up with the whole line through your sentence.. lol ~TH~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	emisridic 2005-02-10 23:54 (link)
	It's a sentence I don't wanna think about, so I crossed it out. Ever heard of HTML format, fool? dork so once again I swim in reverie (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	beatles4evr64 2005-02-11 10:27 (link)
	u obviously want to think about it... hence why u wrote it and crossed it out... u think ur sooo clever.. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	emisridic 2005-02-11 11:27 (link)
	Oh no, I don't think I'm so clever. I know I'm so clever. Really, I don't want to think about it, but I kept it up there crossed out because in response to your entry, I think you should remember it. Might help in your "insight" to yourself. I wonder what this HTML format thingy does. If it does nothing that will suck (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)