| Current mood: | anxious |
| Current music: | elliott smith- a distorted reality is a necissity to be free |
a distorted reality is a necessity to be free
My mama told me "Baby stay clean
There's no in-between"
You disappoint me, you people raking in on the world
The devil's script sells you the heart of a blackbird
Shine on me baby, 'cause it's raining in my heart
A distorted reality's now a necessity to be free
It's so disappointing....
she told me i have to bury everything. i want to keep somethings. its symbolic she said. i know. im not stupid. i want to keep the mouse incident, when we came home drunk and helped get it out of the wall at like 3 am. i want to keep our concerts. i want to keep our phone conversations from when i went to the east coast. the peak of my existence. i want to keep ashleys' birthday. the bus ride back thinking of you, getting home and making you a cd. i want all of our car trips to San Francisco. Every night we came back home and slept off a good or bad day. i want to keep it all. i have to write it all down, everything i can possibly think of. everything and anything. my only happiness that ive know for the last 3 years. i have to print out this journal, to have something tangible to actually, physically burry. it makes me sick to think about. i have to dig up every amazing wonderful memory and give it to a complete stranger so we can stick it in the ground. i wonder if when we dig up a spot we will see someone elses dead hopes and dreams. their ruined plans and ruined lives all half decomposed and filthy. i guess thats the point right? decomposing past, for a future that will never be.
easy does it. one day at a time. i wont let this beat me. its to beautiful outside.
but im already sick thinking about it...
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