beanrmcbeanrson (beanrmcbeanrson) wrote, @ 2009-08-15 00:23:00

i havent a clue
i dont know how much longer i can keep this up. 1week feels like a year. and these last few months have felt like a decade. im all alone, and i accept responsibility, but i cant come to terms with the fact that this is my life now, again. i need your help. i need your guidance. i need you. but youre in love with a boy.

im sober. i hate it because i want to forget you again. i cant. i cant. i cant.

these anti depressants work so slow... im getting better but i cant take life anymore.

whit said i make a very big impression on everyone that i become friends with. she told me that i really make a big impact. i dont really believe her, because you are gone. if i was that important you would have stayed, or at least come back to help me. i love you. i wish i didnt because its kinda creepy now that youve moved on. i keep trying to talk to other people but its never enough. fresno isnt enough.

how do you fall in love with someone else so fast? how do you fall out of love so fast? tell me and ill leave you alone for good, i swear.

i hate feeling like this.

ever wednes i have recovering addicts meetings at a church in fresno. every monday im going to have NA 12 steps. twice a week i have therapy. i think its a crock of shit but i go. i wish you could see how hard im trying... i wish you were here.