| Current mood: | depressed |
| Current music: | best i ever had -drake |
everyday
its the same thing. work to keep my mind off my life, get through the day and be done with it. Everyday seems like a hurdle, i dont appreciate it, i just want to get through it and get it over with. When the shop is slow, i sit around and think. thats never good. i sit and think about me, and what im doing with my life. two, three, nine drawings, and paintings makes me happy for a few mins but i feel empty again within the hour. I know this is what i want to do and i try harder and get better everyday, but i just feel so empty still. like im missing half of my body, half of my brain. It feels like im getting through the day with only half of me and i hate it.
Everyday I pick up my phone 3 or 4 times and scroll down the names to yours. I start a text, or go to call you, then i stop myself. I think that if i call you, this will have been enough time for you to cool down, but im sure youre cooled down already and you have the same thought process, youre fine without me. I keep thinking its a big fresh breath to you, your new life and that im just a problem still that you have put out of your mind and you hope wont ever resurface. That kills me. I want to call you and tell you ive changed and that im ready to be better for you now that im better for me, but i dont think youd respond well to that. Ive already told you countless times that i love you and that id do whatever i needed to in order to keep you but it didnt work before, i know you dont care. it makes me sick. I want to hear your voice and hear about your day and see you and hug you and go home together like before... i love you so much still i can hardly function. I fucked up, but i also know i got better, im not perfect but i think i have a lot to offer. Why cant i stop thinking about you...
We listen to the drake cd in the shop all day everyday and it reminds me of you..duh
"Baby you my everything you all i ever wanted.
We can do it real big.
Bigger then you ever done it...
I want this forever, i swear i can spend whatever on it....
When i get right i promise that we gon live it up.
She make me beg for it till she give it up.
And I say the same thing every single time...
I say you the fucking best.
You the fucking best.
You the best i ever had.
Best I ever had..."
(Post a new comment)
|
