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Victor M. Silva (balmung) wrote,
@ 2004-02-08 06:13:00
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    Current mood: melancholy
    Current music:Metallica-Nothing Really Matters

    does it matter in the end?
    Here i sit lost in what is fragments of life......i picked up my sword today to practice with it and as i saw the people move by me and stare at me....i felt like i didnt belong. The wind of today somehow managed to take me somewhere else....a whisper in my ear.....a feeling...deep inside of me an voids that cant be filled....i sometimes catch myself doing things to escape the lies of life. After a long practice and being so tired my body worn out....i decided to take a knee and let my sword stab the ground....i stayed there for what seem like hours...thousands of thoughts running threw my head asking "is this all there is?.....what more can come of life?.....what if i died tomorrow, would it matter?....".

    I'm not sure whats going on in my head.....seems like no matter how much i push myself and how hard i try to get somewhere, i get pushed back by some unkown force....perhaps if i shed some blood it would be different the feel of of the blood running down my arm.....a feel too familiar....but real...then nothing feels real....not even the breath that comes out of me. I could ask what's wrong with me...but i wouldn't get an answer. All i'm left with is the memories of today...or yesterday.... I'm not sure what else to say but i've said what i can and could from my i think its time to lay in sleep and wonder off into nothingness....

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2004-02-09 17:30 (link)
Remember our deal love - you do it and I'm in Dade tomorrow and you will watch.

I'm hella worried about you. I'll try to call you tonight, if not -- hang on til we can talk again??

con todo,

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