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~Once.. at Band Camp..~
Title: Adventures of Magus and Chrono's Mom
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=777895
Author: Rufus J. Shinra
http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=10077
Fandom: Chrono Trigger.
Scores
PLOT: 0/5 {Magus walks through town, meets Chrono's mom who proceeds to make him do -housework-. It all goes downhill from -there-}
CHARACTERIZATION: 0/5 {Chrono's mom was able to kick Magus's ass, nuff said.}
TECHNICAL: 0/5 {The only thing that consitutes more then -one- exclamation point is the end of the world and then even -then- it gets annoying. That is only the -icing- on the cake however..}
STIFLER'S MOM FACTOR: 5/5 {Get your sweet American Pie right here...}
Disclaimer
I profess to being a huge Magus fan-girl. In fact I would like to self proclaim myself the biggest Magus fangirl on the planet if it were not for the fact that I am sure that Imana would probably argue with me. I also consider myself -pretty- tolerant of Magus fics. Meaning that I do not go and bust a gut when I see Magus -paired- with anyone besides the pairing that I subscribe to (which is completely original)
However some things just -take- the cake. Especially at 6:30 in the morning when you have survived staying up ALL night without the reprieve of coffee/caffine. Once again actually sentences from the book will be italicized and my comments will be in regular font settings.
And once again, I -will- nitpick. It is only in my virgo blood. When reading a fanfic, I look for the details, both supporting and descriptionary.
--End Disclaimer--
Why don't we start with the disclaimer. Oh no, -better- yet. The rating.
"R cause they say the F-word."
Well that was anti-climatic. I could see if they said "R because this fic contains violence, sexual undertones and obscenities" but R because of the F-word? Welcome to Sesame Street, kids.
Now on to the -meat- of this review. I tend to be cruel, but I am only being cruel to be kind
"He was also kind of depressed. Everytime he walked down the street people started screaming about "The return of the evil sorcerer" and whatnot. Hadn't he helped saved the world. "
I am sure that Magus is just -dying- for the acceptance of the townspeople. And that was said in a completly sarcastic way. Magus doesn't strike me as the type to need confirmation of what a powerful and worthy being he is, especially not by townspeople that have more then likely been inbred. That is not me saying it, that is my Magus Muse.
"Oh hello there, dear. Are you ready to talk now? I hate it when Crono has such silent freinds. Even if he's a gothic freak." Crono's mom said."
Chrono's mom -hates- Chrono's silent friends? Isn't that calling the kettle black, especially when the pot is her -son-? For the record I resent the term "gothic freak". I especially resent it when it is said in conjunction with Magus. That just brings so many types of stereotypes of wearing black and being perpetually under a dark cloud. That is the -poser- definition of goth. There are actually several subcatagories within the subgenre. I told you I was going to nitpick
(Crono's house)
"Here." Crono's mom said handing Magus a broom. Magus was VERY suprised.
"What the hell am I supposed to do with THIS?" Magus cried.
Because you know, Brooms didn't exist back in 600 AD, they actually had vacuum cleaners then. Damn counter progressive society.
Oh it only gets better.
"This is SO boring. I'm the damn king of the mystics for crying out loud. This was worse than my birthday party"
And we are taken back to the birthday party flashbacks which have no relevance to the actual story. In fact there is little relevance or coherance to -anything- in this story. Visions of Magus wearing a birthday hat and the group throwing streamers at him dance around in my head. I wonder if Marle spiked the punch.
"What did you wish for Magus?" Lucca asked behind Schala. Magus smiled as he looked out the window and saw a A-bomb land on Frog's house.
Ain't he subtle. Not to mention I am squicking from how it should be "an" A-bomb. I love it when the english language is abused, must of been the fallout of the debris from the "A-bomb" that scattered his thought process everywhere. For the sake of keeping -some- things sacred, I will not mention the fact that if an A-bomb landed on Frog's house and Magus could -see- it, shouldn't the group be running right now? I just mentioned it? Oh my bad. *heh*
""Let's see what we have here...." Magus said and opened up the present. It had fuzzy pink bunny slippers.
"Just what I wanted." Magus said."
That present from Chrono needless to say. I am sure that visions of Magus wearing bunny ears and those slippers are dancing through your guy's heads right now. My Magus muse is asking me if the author hates him or something. I honestly could not tell you. Why would Magus -wear- bunny slippers much less -want- them? Oh yes, I -forgot-. Blatant non-canonical characters printed all over this fic.
"CLUE? YOU BITCH! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" Magus roared. Marle stood back scared.
"It's fun!" Marle said. Not too soon after she spoke the board game flew right in her face. Magus stomped off.
"YOU RUINED MY PARTY!" He said and ran off crying."
Because we all know that the party was the most important life event to happen in Magus's long lonely existance as a wanderer of time. I know that this fic is all fun and games but I have met quite a few humorous fics of Magus were he is at least portrayed -in canon-. See Magus portrayed as a depressed, crybaby, fluffy 'gothic freak' is taking its toil evidentally.
"Flea, your alive?" Magus asked. Flea looked suprised. He turned red. The feminine man looked very angry to see Magus.
"Magus your TRAITOR!" Flea said in his normal feminine voice.
"I'm here to buy some apples." Magus said. Flea walked back his boobs bouncing.
Once reminded that Flea looks like feminine, we do not need any more indications. Poor Flea and his/her/it's boobs. Is there -any- rest for the wicked? Not to mention the Redundancy Department of Redundancy is really having a field day. It's OKAY to use a thesarus.
"Deliever me" just came on my MP3 playlist. I think it is Magus muse's doing.
"Hi Crono's mom I want to borrow some-WHAT THE HELL? HA! HA! HA! HA!" Lucca said looking at Magus. Magus turned red with embarassment. Then Ayla came in.
"Ayla need parts for....HA! HA! HA! SCARY BLUE MAN LOOK FUNNY!" Ayla said laughing. Magus was even more embarrased.
Those two sentances were in response to Magus wearing an apron. I don't honestly see how Chrono's mom punked him into wearing an apron. Maybe he should put on the fluffy bunny slippers in order to complete the outfit. But then he would cease to look scary, he would just end up looking quite fruity.
And I don't know about you, but I am wondering -why- Ayla needs pants, damn the author for throwing that bit of teaser out for me. Magus wears an apron, Ayla wears pants. If the day of Lavos hadn't already come I would of thought it Judgement Day.
Magus could not BELEIVE how powerful Crono's mom was. Especially with her broom attack.
"Hiyyyya!!!!" Magus screamed and started cutting away at Crono's mom with his scythe. With lightning fast speed she dodged each attack with lightning fast agility.
I sense a severe disturbance in the Force. I never knew that Magus's mom had such MAD SKILLZ, it is a shame that we didn't get to see her Rakuken Broom Tech in the game, that must of been the SECRET SECRET ++game ending, the one in which you had to beat Lavos during the opening credits.
And once again forgive me for being nitpicky but "I before E except after C" Thank you, my virgo nature was just -dying- to spit that one out.
And then if things could not get any worse, here comes the cheesy pop-culture reference.
"I-I love you..." he said looking at the powerful woman in front of him. Crono's mother sighed.
"Oh, Magus...are you trying to seduce me?" She said and they kissed and then Magus laid her down on the floor.
"Yes I am..." Magus said.
I think that if the author wanted to pull something like that, then he could of done it with a lot more panache then he did. It was a great line from the movie but well, it just doesn't -work-. Oh I am sure it is amusing to "he who wrote it" but frankly it leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth.
And where is Lucca popping out of the woodwork going, "Once at Tech School.." That is what I want to know. I am pretty sure that hammer gun could be useful for some things.
"M-Mom....M-Magus?" He said VERY confused and shocked."
Poor Chrono. I think that is pretty self sufficient for the entire italicized sentance. He must of been the victim of quite a few "your mom" jokes after catching the 'heartless wizard' and his 'kendo master' mother sleeping on the newly waxed floor. Hence, a feel a -bit- of pity. (thought not alot.)
IU laughed while I wrote this, please give some reviews so I'll have the courage to write another Maugus fanfic. No flames though. PLEASE REVEIEW PUUUUHLEASE!
That is a courage that I would rather not take my chances on. I think I'll just pass.
And now that I am done reviewing this nugget of depravity, I think I will go and get a glass of water in order to wash the bad taste out of my mouth.
I told you I nitpicked.
~Reviewed by Nia Westphal~
(Post a new comment)
 | Your sister
(Anonymous)
2007-07-26 18:24
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send me an email and phone number and I will pass it on.
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