Button (autygirl) wrote, @ 2009-11-02 12:45:00

Current music:

Ragoo - Kings of Leon


"The muscle i hustle is real for my friends,
but the muscle i keep for myself is pretend"

I wanna start drinking. But once i start, i can't stop. So if i were to start drinkin now, and still be up drinking later.. i'd either need a nap.. or beer. We just have liquor. Plus, i'm almost out of pot. I've been a mess lately, so it's probably for the best anyway. Maybe i'll just have one. Today's afternoon delight.

I'm really not in the mood to cry. I feel like shit. But i don't want to start crying, for once.

Ha ha.. We watched The Devil's Rejects on Halloween. It was my first time ever paying attention to it.. and it rocked my world. Yeah.. i know that's a little scary.. But it's funny too.. Apparently, i'm sicker than i thought :-). Since i watched it, i've felt a little bit more like the old, vulgar Autumn. She's fun. I wish she could be recorded. She says the most ridiculous, distorted things.

Last night, i said it seems like every time that Joey gets a compliment, his dick grows an extra inch.

Sweet autumn wouldn't form that sentence lol. Her mind just wouldn't go there quickly enough for me to say it.

i had so much fun at Wendy's last night with Deonna. We went after work, cause she wanted a Frosty. And i always want Wendy's. I took the seat facing the hottie. Probably a high school hottie, but he had facial hair. unfortunately, The screen was right in my way.. so we could barely make eye contact. But it was cool. I let my stalker out, and just watched his reflection in the window. We talked about stalkers for a bit. I told her about how i started dating Mark by stalking him. Erick would have been a fun story, but it's kind of long, and hard to tell it so she'd understand.

She's such a big baby, i'm seriously shocked by how well we get along. She's always telling me to be careful, and telling me that the decisions i make are dumb and dangerous. Usually, i get really pissed off at people like that. Idk though.. I've almost made it a game to shock her with my tales, then make her see it as funny as i do.

Like the tanger guy! The tall skinny black guy! My guess is not africa black, more like haiti or jamaica black lol. Blah blah.. the guy calls me "hot coffee" or "coffee" for short.. err.. cause i always have coffee. A few days ago (oct 30), i was walkin to the food court, and he drove by on his little golf kart and gave me a ride lol. We made plans for the next day to find somewhere to hide, and he'd smoke me up with some haze lol. I had to go to work early, so i didn't get to.. but i know we're gonna blaze sometime soon lol.

When i told Deonna.. i basically got a "wtf.. you're dumb". Gradually, she started laughing about it. Then, last night.. one of the karts drove by with their little yellow lights on.. and when i pointed out that i was taken for a ride on one of those.. I knew i won.

I'm wearing Joey's t shirt. I put it on last night. It occurred to me that i don't think i've ever worn his clothes. And i wanted to. I don't think he liked it, but that's okay. What i really wanted.. was to wear him. Not in a cut off your face and make a mask out of it.. more like.. "may i borrow your skin for a few hours?". I smell him all around me

I wish i was prettier. And today, i'm wishing that i would have waited for college before living my lifestyle.

I'm twenty years old, and i don't have my liscence. Because i'm drunk all the time. It's just kinda gay.. cause it's not like i can just give up on myself. I'm not smokin crack.. and i control my drinking most of the time. Sure, i get the shakes sometimes, but i'm not ruining my life. I'm just making it harder than it had to be.


ugly

	tescovee 2009-11-02 20:21 (link)
	Not ugly. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	autygirl 2009-11-04 19:57 (link)
	ur sweet. for real though, don't worry about my confidence :-) . i was mostly talking about the day in the picture in particular. after i saw myself, i made myself totally fuckable. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)