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.:ill be yours if youll be mine:. (atouchoftruth) wrote,
@ 2003-09-03 21:33:00
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    Current mood: depressed
    Current music:my heartbeat

    i wish i could just fly away..
    i built my walls too high.. im so good at not showing the way i feel i cant seem to show nething at all.. i just want to break down and cry about everything and i cant..and the times when i need comferting the most is the time when things go the worst i just wish i could know the way other people felt. i cant wait to move i dont know how thatll help but somehow i feel it will. im staying with Kelsey starting tomorrow for 4 days. i cant wait and i hope itll help this fucking depression i seem to have. i feel like i cant breathe just suffacating in this life with these people who r driving me fucking mad. i wish there were no secrets and we could say everything on and out. no leing no hiding. period. why do i have to feel so strongly for someone who is so uh i dont know how to explain it, Its like some of the things he says shows me he likes me but the other things just say he doesnt give a damn. why do i have to feel so strongly about neone and nething. this guy said "its like my hearts a pin cution and everyones sticking needles in me." i guess thats a way to say it. i want to break down and cry but im afraid if i start i wont beable to stop. it takes alot for me to cry but with all this built up in me i think itll do. i dont even know what i want nemore. is this why ppl do the fucking crazy things they do.. cause they feel like this cause i have a feeling of relation coming on. if you asked me the one most common illness its heartbreak. i dont want it to be broken again. so im reeling it in. this is it im not taking this nemore i dont want a game made out of this. i mean where do i fit in in this jigsaw of a relationship. but as much as i say this and that about hating him and what im doing i cant stop the longing for him.. maybe im not longing for him maybe its any guy who comes along who can touch me that way and make me feel wanted.. thats waht scares me the most. im terrified of myself. maybe i should just delete this entry rigth now but whats the use its not like neone reads this shit. and what makes me mad is in the morning this feeling will be gone these words will be empty but rnt all words? just as empty as promises. actions r all that matter so if you want to make something mean something at all do something about it. and no one did nething wrong its just me.. Fucking Depression.



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