Ashley Angel (ashleyboyangel) wrote, @ 2003-06-02 08:47:00

Current music:

Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band

God, I don't even know where to begin or if I even should. Everything going on around me is such a blur. It's like this incredibly fast Kamikoze that won't stop. There's the ups, there's the downs and there's the little stuck in betweens.

I stayed with Dan for awhile because I know both he and I needed each other. I know that he's had it rough, alone with the kids, but hopefully he knows that he can call me if he needs to. My house is a few streets down and I can be there in thirty seconds, no problem. Okay, well give or take a minute or two.

I don't know where else to begin with this other mystery of mine. Actually, it's not really a mystery, but I find myself baffled as to how it came about. The thing is, I don't want to figure it out because this is something that just.....is. I don't want to dissect it, I don't want to press myself so deep into finding out what it is because then I won't enjoy it.

I think through life we all make these...connections. Some a little stronger than others, some more gradual and some immediate. This would definitely be that strong, immediate one and not for the reasons that most would think. This friendship, this bond that we have has turned into something different than I was certainly looking for. It's almost as if I'm afraid to say anymore because I don't want to do this an injustice but at the same time, I'm almost bursting at the seams to put this to words. So, I'll just leave these as I crawl into bed...

...I'm the king of the castle
You're the dirty rascle
Crash into me
Oh see you crash into me baby,
'Cause I am swimming in your seas
And in your ocean
And I feel your waves come and crash into me

jordana_brewstr 2003-06-02 10:04 (link)

It's so nice to see your face show up on my friends page. It always makes me smile. :) I'm glad you've been able to be there for Dan. He's needed you, and your compassion and strength in his time of need, is one more thing that I adore about you. He's lucky to have a friend like you. As for that other thing... I hope you don't feel that you have to explain it, just because I have a little easier time articulating what I'm feeling. The simple fact that you're enjoying this new adventure as much as I am is enough. And though it would be nice to see it in print, when I'm around you, your face and the way you look at me speak louder than words. I'm sorry we haven't had much time to spend together these past few days, you've been with Dan and I've had some family things to take care of, but I hope that maybe we'll be able to meet up some time this week. And if not, maybe get a chance to catch up on the phone. I miss you and I'm thinking about you. :) (Reply to this) (Thread)

ashleyboyangel 2003-06-03 00:55 (link)

I can't help but feel like I'm somewhat responsible for what's going on with Dan. He's always been there for me and I will do all I can to be there for him. We're always like that with our bestest of friends, at least I hope so. Strange how I write all the time but my mind comes to a standstill when trying to think of how to describe this. You should be writing some songs is what you should be doing *smiles* You and your way with words. I miss you too, like crazy. This has been the strangest but most exciting thing that has happened to me in the longest time and I can't shake this ever present feeling of familiararity I have when I'm with you. I don't want to. I really hope we can catch up soon and maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get to see you in my shirts again *chuckles* They look better on you anyway. I miss you as well and my mind hasn't been anywhere else but you. :) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

jordana_brewstr 2003-06-03 01:19 (link)

While I believe it's okay to feel empathy toward Dan's situation, please don't feel like it's your fault. There is nothing YOU could have done that would have prevented it from happening, and although it's incredibly sad that he's having to experience something like this, you can't feel respsonsible. I also believe that best friends stick together, and like I said, I adore the fact that you hold your friends in such high esteem. Yeah, it's ironic how life works sometimes. I'm sure, however, that eventually something will click and you'll be able to write as much as you want to on the subject. I know at this point I could fill a novel with the words and feelings that are swimming through my head. Writing songs? *laughs softly* If I could, I would. But I can't, and trying would be a bad idea. Trust me. I think I'll just stick to the sappy posts. :-D It's so important that you feel comfortable with me, and the fact that trust and comfort aren't issues makes me incredibly happy. Like I've said before, I feel like I've known you forever, and putting so much trust in other people, especially people I haven't known a long time, and especially MEN I haven't known a long time, is extremely difficult for me given my past. I wouldn't mind wearing your clothes again because they smell like you and I like that smell. *smiles* But I enjoy spending the night in your arms even more. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who hasn't been thinking of anything else. :) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	msdarlin 2003-06-02 23:55 (link)
	Hey there. *smiles* Just thought I'd say hey *waves* (Reply to this) (Thread)