Ashley Angel (ashleyboyangel) wrote, @ 2003-05-18 20:26:00

Current mood:

crushed

Giving up is hard. It's like he disappeared. I look down at this ring on my finger and I know in my heart that he's not coming back, at least not to me. And this...pride in me wants to throw the ring in the ocean and forget him. But I can't and I won't. If anything, he's helped me grow and become stronger. Everything in life happens for a reason and now that things are this way, I'm only assuming we've served our purpose for one another. What I was to him, I'll never know. I sit here and countlessly twist this ring around my finger wondering what I did, why I find it so hard for someone to love me. I gave up everything for him and he gave up everything for...I don't know. I sit here knowing that wherever he might be, that he's happy he's not with me. My heart twists and contorts to try not to fall apart but it doesn't help. He left me. He walked out on our dreams. And now there's nothing I can say or do that will bring him back to me the way that he was, that will even bring him back to me. Because I'm just not enough to make him want to stay. Sometimes, love just isn't enough, considering he even loved me in the first place.

So this is how it feels to be alone. Something I swore I'd never have to feel and now I live it. And when I wake up without my ring tomorrow, I'll have to tell myself that it's over. I have to remind myself that it wasn't necessarily my choice and that makes it even harder because someone who promised to live by faith, love and understanding turned on his words. My heart will hurt and putting it back together...well, I don't even want to think of how long that will take, if it ever even happens at all.

*closes my eyes, feeling the tears come freely, the words falling out in a low, choked whisper* It's over.





Sometimes you find out what you wanted
isn't really what you need
and the dream in all it's promise
was never meant to be
All your hope and desperation won't make it like it was
And you beleive the pain will never pass
beleive me in time it does
You've gotta know when love is over
you've gotta learn to carry on
and with the world upon your shoulders
you walk away when hope is gone
when your golden road has reached the end
you'll find the strength to start again you know
there's a time for love and a time for letting go
when you're standing tall tomorrow looking back at yesterday
and through the memory of your sorrow
how the dawn was so far away
you'll be far beyond the shadows where hearts can learn to shine
and you realize the endless night was only a moment in time
you've gotta know when love is over
you've gotta learn to carry on
and with the world upon your shoulders
you walk away when hope is gone
when your golden road has reached the end
you'll find the strength to start again you know
there's a time for love and a time for letting go
the night is long the night is cold
with nothing to beleive in
just hold on 'cause life goes on
your new day is waiting
so let go and let it begin

	kristink 2003-05-18 22:37 (link)
	I'm sorry you're feeling this way. If you ever need someone to talk to i'm here. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ashleyboyangel 2003-05-18 23:19 (link)
	Thank you.....I might have to take you up on that *smiles a little* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	msdarlin 2003-05-18 23:08 (link)
	Ashley, I want you to know that I'm here for you. Believe me, I've lost people I love in the past and it hurts in the worst way. If you need to talk, I'm here. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ashleyboyangel 2003-05-18 23:22 (link)
	Thank you....I have a feeling I'll be taking you up on that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	msdarlin 2003-05-18 23:34 (link)
	I don't mind at all. *smiles and shakes my head* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	missrussell 2003-05-18 23:45 (link)
	I've said it before and I'll say it again...I know you're hearing it a lot...if you need someone to talk at and Meredith and Kristin aren't online, I'll be here. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ashleyboyangel 2003-05-19 04:20 (link)
	Thank you Keri...you've always been such a good friend to everyone :) I hope you are enjoying your new place! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	missrussell 2003-05-19 14:17 (link)
	You're very welcome..*smiles* I do love being in the house..it's starting to feel more like home,, (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jordana_brewstr 2003-05-19 01:16 (link)
	I know what you're going through. My boyfriend and I just broke up, too. I know other people have offered but I figured I'd offer anyway. If you ever want to talk, I'd be more than happy to listen. After all, we are going through the same thing. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: ashleyboyangel 2003-05-19 02:33 (link)
	Thank you Jordana, that really means a lot. It seems to be in the water or something...it needs to stop. Like now. If you need anyone to talk to, I hope you know that I too am more than willing to listen. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xscottx 2003-05-19 01:26 (link)
	I don't have any real words of wisdom except that maybe it's time for you to take a good long look at yourself. (Reply to this) (Thread)