Ashley Angel (ashleyboyangel) wrote, @ 2003-05-14 04:02:00

Current mood:

indifferent

I don't know what to say or to do anymore. I just sit here and stare at all of our things and they just don't seem like ours anymore. I look at the tv and think "I bought that" and I look at the dining set and I think "Kevin bought that". It's no longer ours. I look at the ring on my finger and I don't think "when are we getting married?" I think....when am I going to come home to an empty apartment? More so than now? When will he have taken all of his things and run off for good?

I think that time is coming more sooner than later because I'm starting to think that maybe I should just stop prolonging the inevitable and leave first. He's made no attempts at all to try to talk to me about this. NONE. After so long, people start believing they are unworthy of other's time, which I completely feel when I think about Kevin. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear he's seeing someone else. Not like I'd be completely surprised at this point.

So, it looks like I might be getting my own place sometime soon. I might even go back to LA to stay with some family for a while, maybe stay in my own place there. Take Spanks (the dog) with me.

Why do I even bother? I heard this song on the radio yesterday. Thought it was appropriate. It's a nice, lovely little ditty. It'll get no reaction. Like always.




Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Ooh, And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

The one thing that I tried to hold on to....

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

	kell_bell 2003-05-14 19:19 (link)
	Hey Ash. Um..I know we definitely haven't talked in a while but I hope you know, if you ever need a friend I'm here. I'd love to catch up with you sometime. *smiles a little* Hope you feel better. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ashleyboyangel 2003-05-15 03:30 (link)
	MISS CROCKER!!!!! You're my HERO! *laughs* I miss talking to you a lot actually. And your cd is very very kick ass. It's on repeat in my car *smiles* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	underwood 2003-05-14 23:15 (link)
	You know, man, I don't think we've talked in a long, long while, but if you ever need a place to stay, or someone to lend an ear, there's always room for you at the Underwood compound, and I'll try to be around here more if you need me to. Take care of yourself, man. (Reply to this) (Thread)