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Arella (arella17silver) wrote,
@ 2004-02-12 03:15:00
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    Current mood: sad
    Current music:Taroot:Mine

    I miss chris:/
    Well, today started off just lovely. I awoke from a tormenting dream of my friends being dead and visiting me. I wanted so much to be dead too but I couldn't die and I wouldn't commit suicide. They seemed to have moved on from me and didn't care all that much. I was crying when I woke up, which is a first for me. I just couldn't seem to stop the outpouring of emotion or shake that aweful feeling all day. What a way to start the day.......
    I have the next three days off in a row. So much to do, so little time or I lack the motivation. This sounds self-loathing, which I guess it kind of is but I wish for once I liked my life. I'm very tired of despising my own existance. One second I'm relatively fine, the next i'm almost in tears. No, it's not that time of month either, but nice try....
    I had another dream in which I went to Alabama to see Chris, but he was very hot and cold with me and the dream left me feeling empty and sad, much like most of the other things in my life. Being a depressive is starting to get really tiredsome......
    Before I make myself feel any worse, if that is at all possible, i'll end this with a single thought........thoughts are things.....that is something I should be more aware of myself.........

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2004-02-13 03:56 (link)
I understand your feeling . Sometimes I hope I can be dead before my beloveds . i think the most difficult is the person who is alive because he or she will be attacked by the sadness .But the people who love you are surround you and they will company with you to pass a tough time .So take heart and be brave. Everyone will be dead sooner or later .If I were you, I will lack courage to live as well . but what we can do ? Believe one day you will meet he again in paradise again and time will help you to get rid of sadness . Hope you will be happy again ,i am your friend .

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2004-02-16 03:01 (link)
It was actually just a dream, but I thank you for your kindness because last month I lost a friend who was dear to me. Often times, actual death doesn't play such a part as the death of something shared with neither of the people involved losing their life.......bright blessings to you and thank you again

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